Thursday, May 28, 2009
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow;
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunset on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn's rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush
of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft star that shines at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not there; I did not die.
Bev and family, you are in our hearts.
Monday, May 25, 2009
This is a cruel and heartless event that, until today, I have never heard of. The Omak Suicide Race.
Essentially, asshats race their horses over a cliff and down a steep hill into a river, almost assuring injury, if not death to their horses.
So what third world, ignorant country would hold such an event?
How about the good ol' US of A.
I'm all for shitheads offing themselves, but don't do it on the back of an innocent horse!
The race organizers actually write on their website "Without the communities support, this event wouldn't be possible". Let's hope the community figures out that it's time to stop supporting this horrible event. Please click here to see how you can help end this barbaric race.
Friday, May 22, 2009
Last week I brought my Arabian, the famous Mr. Dee to visit all the kids at Beck's pre-school. First, they got to stand in awe of his gorgeous-ness.
Before they each got to take a turn riding Dee around the playground, I went over some safety rules for working around the horse, which I think the kids heard as:
Blah, blah, blah. Who's ready to ride?
And after a quick photo op, each kid got to feed Dee a treat. Dee just loves these little munchkin snack dispensers!
Have I mentioned how much I love Beck's pre-school? Love 'em! Good people. Good times.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
I'm also thankful that this is the view out my front door right now.
Life is good.
(I'm also very thankful for all the cash I will now be making being an Imaginary Girlfriend! Thanks, Cary!)
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Flash forward to Saturday morning:
Morgan: (in the most sad and pathetic voice):Mommy, the Tooth Fairy didn't come last night
Me: (all groggy and asleep): huh?
Morgan: The tooth fairy didn't come, my tooth is still here and there's no money.
Me: (managing only to open one eye and seeing Morgan 2 inches from my face, tooth in hand) shit.
Yeah, I know, I suck. I have no idea how I forgot! Oh wait, yes i do. I was exhausted... and there may have been some wine involved (shut up! Don't judge!)
So while she was busy, I typed up an official looking notice that said something like:
ATTENTION CHILDREN OF THE WORLD
The tooth fairies are attending their annual Spring Gala Friday, May 15, 2009 and therefore will not be making any tooth pickups.
Normal fairy duties will resume Saturday, May 16, 2009. We apologize for any inconvenience this may cause.
The Fairy Boss
She seemed to buy that excuse. Disaster averted!
Fast forward to Sunday morning...
Morgan: Mommy, the tooth fairy didn't come again last night....
I have no excuse (not even vino). I. just. suck.
She left the room and went down stairs to watch TV and I penned a note to her about lots of kids losing teeth this weekend...big time at the gala.... running late... under paid/over worked... blah, blah, blah. I Went into her room, snatched the ol' bicuspid and left her $2 and the pathetic, sorry-ass loser of a note.
OMG, I'm the world's worst Mom.
Friday, May 15, 2009
One of my favorites would have to be Dateline NBC’s To Catch a Predator. Granted, this is like news right? So it doesn’t fall directly into the category of trash TV. But nonetheless, it’s chalk full of dumb-asses who get exactly what they deserve. Well, OK, really they deserve a slow painful death, but getting totally owned on national TV is pretty sweet as well.
I swear, the producers of this show are freakin’ geniuses! Think about it, the asshat child molesters write almost the entire script! For free! And man is it priceless! And then you have Chris Hanson, reading the predators’ chat transcripts back to them, totally void of emotion or inflection, like he’s reading the cooking directions to a box of Craft Mac and Yack! “I see you wrote, ‘ I want to (bleep) your (bleep) with my (bleep) (bleep)’. What did you mean by that?” Priceless.
And let’s face it, in addition to seriously low production costs (I think most of the show’s budget goes to Chris’ bi-weekly hair cuts and Sweet Tea), this show could film nightly in countless cities across the country and never come to the end of the insane parade of child molesters who are stupid enough to think their sick butts aren’t going to get busted for trying to have sex with random web-surfing kiddos!
Of course, my favorite moments on the show is when Chris Hanson pops out and happily greets the perps and you see that flash of recognition and said perp blurts out something like, “oh snap! I know who you are! Damnnnnnn! Am I on that Catch a Predator show?! Where the cameras at? For shizzle, let me call my crew. Dude! I’m on TV!” ahhhhhh, good stuff.
And here's a fact; * Lemonade and sweet tea is child molester bait! Oh my hell! They love that stuff! Even if they have a moment of enlightenment that what they are doing may be wrong or this whole thing could be a sting- you know like that Dateline show- all logic flies out the window at the mere mention of lemonade!
For real, who would have ever guessed that such a disgusting, stomach-turning subject like child molesters could create such a side-splitting, must see TV!!!!
This video is so wrong but I just can't stop laughing! Safe to say, it's not appropriate around the kids or your boss (unless your boss is super cool and equally twisted! in which case, Go You!)
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Overland Park, Kansas - Don't just pass through like dust on the wind....
Carmel, Indiana....Mmmmm carmel.
OK, I realize Feedjit often gets locations wrong, heck it insists I live in Acton, MA - where ever that is - so if you live near the city listed or have ever heard of it (or have never heard of it), you need to go ahead and hit that "leave a comment" button now.
Monday, May 11, 2009
Mother's Day was thoroughly enjoyable yesterday. We packed up the ruggies and met Bev and company at our local amusement park. Mom's got in free all day and were even treated to free lunch. So besides our beer, Bev and I were cheap dates.
Seriously, are these kids cute or what!!!! Little Matty was also with us... I think. I have no pictures to prove it.
Bev and fam. Matty? Where's Matty!
SEE! Bev is always the stalkeratzi!
WHOA!!! Slow down the speed boats!!!
FOUL! Bev and I couldn't possible walk by this mess without sneaking a photo. Geesh Mom, your thongs are showing. (yeah, click on the picture to get the full force of the wrong-ness)
This is Bev. really. embarrassed. What? Like no one has ever seen a grown woman air-kissing a... chicken before.
She still hangs with me anyway. MUAH!
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Six. years. old.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Monday, May 4, 2009
So some of you remember Bev and I recently saw Alexi Murdoch in concert a few weeks ago. (for those who are saying 'Alexi who? Who's she?', fear not. I'm right there with you. so catch up here.)
Anyway, HE put on a great show, but the most outstanding memory for me was his uber-tight jeans. Yeah, yeah, his music was fabulous as well, but you should have checked out those jeans! As Bev said, "geesh you can practically tell what religion he is!"
Oh wait, did I put a disclaimer on this post. No? Well consider yourself warned.
Anyhoo, as tight as those jeans were, they were loose fit, relaxed, elastic waistband sweatpants compared to Friday night's adventure into concert-world!
Joe and I went and saw Get The Led Out which is an incredible Led Zeppelin cover band (if you click on the link, hang with the video at least until 4:24).
I will take a moment to gush about how awesome they were. They sounded INCREDIBLE!!! They rocked the Zep, note for perfect note! And they put on a first class show. I even got to meet each member after the show and they were nothing less than super cool and wonderful...
Now back to my point; the uber-tight jeans.
I know, I know, you're all shifting uncomfortably in your seats right now, wondering why the hell you read my blog. It's like a train wreck and I keep playing it over and over in my head and the only way to ease my pain is to share it with you!
SEE! You looked again!
Anyway, if they ever come to your neighborhood, I absolutely recommend checking them out... just maybe sit a bit further back.