Mixed Nuts

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Extreme MakeOver: The Mala Edition

I don't go to the hair salon very often. I have long hair and I can go months and months without a cut and no one would notice. I consider myself pretty thrifty so it gives me the warm and fuzzies when I think about all the money I haven't spent on my hair. To push frugality even further, I also color my own hair. That's right, I go to the grocery store, check out which hair color is on sale and then pick the box with the prettiest girl. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.
Today, it didn't.
Seriously, I would like to meet the jerk that labels the boxes of hair color. To be honest, they need to just put a big question mark on the box and label the color "EffIfYouKnow"! Today I chose "Warm Medium Brown"... what I got was "Gene Simmons Black"! Actually, I think I see hues of midnight blue! THIS IS NOT BROWN! It's Black! This isn't medium brown, this isn't even DARK brown! It's BLACK, people!! BLACK! DAMNIT!
The only silver lining is I messed up and accidentally bought non-permanent rather than permanent so I'm only cursed with my Gene Simmon's 'do for 28 washes. So far I have 24 more to go!

So now this whole hair wreck has got me thinking that maybe it's time to go back to the hair salon. She's accustomed to seeing me only after I've done something rather horrible to my hair. So if I'm going, maybe I should really make it worth my time and (gasp) change my hair style. I mean, I've only been rockin' this general 'do for, oh I don't know, my entire life. At least it seems.
So, while I should have been doing laundry or some other item on my growing 'to do' list, I went online a tried out some new hairstyles.

Halle Berry-licious

Crazy Streaky Red 'Do

The Ashley Simpson

What do you think? I'm open to suggestions. My only deal breakers would be anything found in FrumpTown, USA or anything close to Soccer Mom (ACK! GASP).

Barbie's Revenge!

This may cost me in years of therapy!

I'm not sure what offense Barbie committed, but her disembodied head was discovered while I was picking up the kids' toys the other night.
And of course, me being the sick and twisted Mother that I am, couldn't stop myself from avenging Barbie's merciless tormentors!

When Morgan awoke to the floating Barbi head dangling above her, she came running to our room excited that the Tooth Fairy had come back!
That's one crazy Tooth Fairy!

Biker Babe

I've been trying to convince Morgan for a couple of years to give up the training wheels on her bike. She's actually outgrown bikes and we've had to transfer the training wheels onto bikes that the training wheels were too small for. Yet she insisted she wasn't ready to learn to ride without them.
Well this weekend she went over to Grammy and Bumpa's house, supposedly to make good on a promise to clean their house. While there (and apparently not cleaning) Morgan and Bumpa spruced up an old bike Bumpa had gotten, this one of course sans training wheels. By the afternoon Bumpa had taught Morgan how to ride a 2-wheeler! She was so proud of her new skills that she came home and insisted on showing me in the rain.

(Just in case, I parked my truck far, far away from the new 2-wheel riding wonder!)

Does she look proud or what?! Thanks Bumpa!

Saturday, April 4, 2009

Do Not Taunt Happy Fun Ball

This is by far my most Favorite SNL mock-ercial. I actually reference it often in my daily life ("Do not look directly at Happy Fun Ball") which of course, usually only gets me confused, blank stares in return.

This commercial reminds me of all those crap-tastic medication commercials, you know the ones where the losers have social anxiety so they take a pill to cure all their problems. And as they frolic happily through a field of daisies, the announcer, in the most cheerful of voices, divulges that this miracle cure also may make you sweat uncontrollably, grow excessive facial hair, radiate the stench of roadkill and shart your pants without warning! Ahhhh, sweet modern medicine!

oh, SNL, back in the days when they had funny people in their cast.

Thursday, April 2, 2009

I Get That A Lot

It's no secret that I like crappy TV shows, especially any sort of reality crap TV.
Last night I thoroughly enjoyed CBS's "I Get That A Lot" where celebs pretend to be, like, real life people working real life jobs and denying they are who they are. Good times.

Survivor's Jeff Probst hitting on some chick. Mmmmm Mozzarella.

So I have to ask, does anyone out there ever get told they look like a certain celebrity?

I don't. However, recently Joe told me that he was talking to someone the other day and they agreed that I remind them of that super annoying chick from those lousy Progressive commercials.
You know the one.

Thanks a lot. And to make matters worse, the very next time we saw that commercial Joe groaned "That girl is so weird looking." Thanks dear. Of course this is the same charming guy that always announces that "cute girls don't like him". Did I mention charming?

So fess up, who's your celeb doppelganger?

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Tooth Fairy Strikes Again!

That sounds like something from "Red Dragon" *shudder*

Before I get to the latest adventures of the tooth fairy, I wanted to make mention that this is my 201st blog entry! Yay for me! Boo for all the things I probably should have been doing instead.

Morgan lost another tooth this week, a front one, which in Morgan's world means big bucks! I asked her how much is a front tooth going for these days and she replied $20. I don't think so! Cripes, what happened to quarters!

Anyway, she gets so excited about the tooth fairy's visit. You may have remembered the mess that little, winged troll left last time. Morgan wrote the tooth fairy a note and asked if she could make her fly. She put the note and tooth in a sandwich bag, wrote another note explaining how to find the tooth, made a path to her bed (yeah, she's no Princess Cleans-a-lot!) and then put a paper with a big "X" on it over the pillow that covered the tooth. Morgan did not want to risk the ol' tooth monger leaving without finding her tooth... Hell, for $20, I wouldn't either!

Come morning Morgan rushed into my room (WAY too early, I might add. It was difficult to open my eyes, nevermind muster any enthusiasm). She carried on about her money being taped to her ceiling fan. She brought me the note from the tooth fairy that explained that Morgan had gone flying with the tooth fairy but the fairy dust that makes her fly (which of course was ALL over again!) also makes you forget - that's the fairy rules. The note went on to say that Morgan was intent on remembering so she hung her 2 dollar bills (no, not $20!) way up high to prove that she had flown. Morgan also found her winter jacket in her bed, further proof that she had had some wild adventures flying with the fairy!