Awwwww, Shucks.

My homegirl Bev has bestowed upon me this prestigious title. Thank you Bev. I'm milking this thing at home but I doubt however, it's gonna get me any perks.

But here's the deal:
1. List seven things that make you awe-summm.
2. Pass the award on to seven bloggers you love.
3. Tag those bloggers to let them know that they are now Queens of All Things Awe-Summm.
4. Don't forget to link to the queen that tagged you.
5. If you would like, copy the pic and put it on your sidebar so everyone knows that you're a queen.

To fulfill my queenly duties. 'er goes.

1. Despite strong urges, I've never beat the tar out of anyone.... well, not lately. Including the asshat Sear's repairman who gave me a 6 HOUR WINDOW (!!!) to wait for his arse today (because I have nothing better to do donchaknow!) and he PULLED A NO SHOW!!!! Yes, I'm awe-summm because I'm a peace-loving chick. I even saved my husband's life 4 times! Once I saved him from drowning, the other 3 times I just changed my mind.

2. I'm adventurous! Wanna jump on a plane, fly cross-country to stalk celebrities? Count me in! Jump off a galloping horse onto a moving pirate ship-shaped bus? Why Not!
Shoot me if I ever grow up.

3. I keep my friends forever! And no, I'm not talking about tied and gagged in my basement. The overwhelming majority of my friends have been rollin' with me for more than 10 years, some for more than 20. I still write to the man who lived down the road from us when I was 10 years old,living in TN. Haven't seen him since, but we still write. Once you're my friend, it's for the long haul.

4. I have a constant inner monologue going on. It keeps me endlessly entertained. Wish you guys could hear it. Good stuff.

5. I didn't let a stroke stop me. Sure, that little bugger wiped out some files on my hard drive but I clearly remember a moment in the ambulance that I decided this would NOT be the end.

6. I drink wine for a living. Yeah, ya heard me! I get paid for learning a lot about wine and for drinking lots of wine. Yeah, that's awesome.

7. I have two ridiculously fabulous kids. Sure, there's moments that they're lucky there's no gypsies nearby to sell them to, but overall they rock! And being their Mom is the best. I know that doesn't actually make me awesome, just lucky.

Now for my 7 awesome fellow bloggers to whom I pass forth this honor.

Janiece - who's awesome-ly caring for her post-op little girl right now.

Hilary - If you're ever stuck having to sleep on a nasty airport floor, this is the chick you want on the cardboard beside you!

Jackie - Super Mommy to Little Squirt (who just gets cuter every. single. day!!!)

Cary - Who's incredibly funny (and I'm pretty certain, HOT, although he refuses to post any pictures since 1989)

Lori - She's super funny and preggers - the complete package!

Maria - Who never has a dull moment!

Michelle - She's a Doc, a Mommy to an ever growing family and a newlywed... and she's awe-summm!

A Little RoundUp

Is it sad that I have all these little mental sticky notes in my head for blog posts? You know, ideas, incomplete thoughts, stuff I want to someday get around to writing... all just clogging up space on my little brain's RAM.
So I'm doing a little mental house cleaning, so bare with me for today's hodgepodge of blogism.
First on the agenda: The Facebook Mystery Lady (or better known as 'My Baby's Mama Drama'). No word from her and she hasn't accepted my plead... errr, I mean my request for friend status. What? Is it me? Oh, wait. Yeah it probably is. BUT even though I haven't made the grade with FML (Facebook Mystery Lady), Bev has had her friendship request granted by FML Friend (hereon known as FOFML). They've made no further contact but we do at least know that FML and FOFML have written on each others' walls in the not so long ago and that it was written in English and Russian. Hmmmmm????? Also, there seems to be that beauty product connection again which is where I originally found FML. Double hmmmmm??? I wish I had more info but until this chick deems me more agreeable for friendship status, it's all I got. Until then, I guess I'll be taking lessons from Bev on how to make friends. Damn.

In other news, Princess Snaggle Tooth is now Princess No-Front-Teeth. I must say, it's a better look for her, but no less trailer-parky. Shame.
(This is where I insert her toothless picture but that requires hunting for my camera and, well, I ain't up for it right now. Deal.)

I'm sure you're all wondering what crazy antics that little freakish tooth fairy pulled last night, aren't you?
Well, the tooth fairy had a realllyyyyy long day yesterday and was WAY too tired to even try to pull off a search and rescue of a tooth, so she made up some lame ass excuse about not being able to open her door and just left $2 outside her bedroom without taking the tooth. I'm wondering how long before Morgan schemes so "resell" the chomper.

And in an absolutely, positively unrelated story: I took my Morgan horse, Storm to a barrel racing clinic yesterday and we had a BLAST! I've been racing my Arab (the famous Mr. Dee) for 10 years now, but now that he's in his 30's (and doesn't look a day older then 10), I need to slow down his racing career. So I took my sweet, 2-speed (walk and trot), carriage driving horse. Yeah, I know, what was I thinking!
Well, he surprised us all and kicked it into warp speed around the barrels! Yee-haw! Yeah, may have found a new niche for him.

Doesn't look like a carriage horse anymore, does he? His best time was 24 seconds. The national wining pro barrel racer there did the pattern in 19. I'd say that's pretty darn good for a first time out.
Great day but man was I exhausted! Totally worn out! Which of course had absolutely, positively NOTHING to do with the tooth fairy's lackluster visit.

What The Heck Am I Doing?!

Well if you're asking yourself that too, just trot on over to Bev's blog to find out because I'm far to slackerific to write a post myself when the lovely Bev has already done such a swell job. Plus she's all good with the English and grammar and stuff like that.

Google Search Term Awards

I always get a laugh over the search terms that unsuspecting (and often perverted) folks google that land them right here on my little bloggy-poo. Really, it's one thing to google, but another thing to actually click on a result, that really has nothing to do with your search. Sometime Google is just a crackhead.
So welcome to the first annual BHB Google Search Term Awards.

First, in the category of Longest search term: Immediately you received the payment get back to me so that i can send to you the shipper info to reimburse the balance to them today.So get back to me asap.. which of course brought them to my lengthy but amusing retelling of a scammer getting scammed. I love it when asshats get what they deserve!

For most common search term we have a tie between "sexylegs" (yes, one word!) and "pictures of wounds". I don't know what to say, but, why? Who's looking up these terms and WHY do they actually click on my page? Scary. A few pervs out there googled "nothing but sexy legs" and google sent 'em my way! HA! SUCKA! oh, wait, crap I just gave them one more hit for sexylegs and pictures of wounds!!!!
*Third place goes to the search term "weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee" (yes, that's with 19 'e"s). Again, what the hell are they looking for? But I must admit, I'm just a wee (with 2 "e"s) bit proud that google associates such a fun exclamation to me! But before I get all giddy, another popular search term that brings people to my little corner of the blogosphere is "boooooooooo". sigh.*

Now for a few "What The Hell Does That Have To Do With Me?" awards
1958 general electric freezer value huh? I don't recall every mentioning any thing like that? Oh, but the answer would be: NOTHING! Throw it out already!
"kid sipped champagne" What?! Huh?! It was sparkling cider, I SWEAR!
"report about a house was stolen" actually I get a lot of hits from variations of this term. Apparently it's an issue somewhere. I don't remember it an issue with me however.


Top searches related to Bev... on not:
bev kyrgyzstan
bev back (kinda like Sexy Back, eh?)
is bev back?
Bev's one popular chick! Thanks for the traffic!


The winner (err, loser) for "You should probably turn yourself in" award would go to the perv surfer who happened upon my little blog by searching for "movies where kids are being patted". Ewwwwwww....

"SEXY" search terms:
Besides "sexylegs"... and of course the occasional "sexy legs", here are some award winners that wanted a bunch of sexy... but got me instead.
"Sexy legs from home" - I have no idea...
"Sexy leg" - I can't believe they weren't sent to Heather Mills site.
"Sexyleggs" - leave no stone unturned in the hunt for hot legs.
"Sexy medical terminology" - really? Is there such a thing?
"Sexy Clot" - ugh, I think I just threw up a little.

Here are the recipients for the "Right Church, Wrong Pew" awards:
Mala mama - Ugh, hope my kids don't start calling me that!
mala humiliation blogspot - WHAT?!! Really? I never thought of it that way... but now that you mention it.
Mala needs - hey! That means there's another Mala out there, somewhere, playing that same cheestastic game!

The "Beck" awards go to:
beck bloodless blogspot - *cringe*
beck home get those - BACK OFF YODA! He's MINE!!!!
beck rugrats
Go beck yourself - Woo, hey now, that's not necessary.
princess beck - OK, Morgan, no more dressing Beck! You got a brother, not a sister. deal.
tally beck - I have no idea. hold on, I gotta google it.

And finally, the "this really bums me out that you googled this term and found me" award goes to:
obese humiliation in public forum - oh man... I think I liked sexyleg better!

Princess Snaggle Tooth

Poor Morgan. She's been on a roll with her loose teeth and now that one of her front teeth has gone the way of the tooth fairy, her remaining front chomper has taken the opportunity to stretch out and occupy front and center! Seriously, the girl's gone all trailer park on us.

She's gonna hate me someday for posting that... but it's worth it.

In other news, there is no news. Just a rainy, raw craptastic day. And what do we all do on a dreary evening....



Even the dog is vegging out watching the boob-tube.

Like Watched Water...

You know, like, watched water never boils. No word yet from the mystery lady on Facebook. But we're still going forward with the investigator and hopefully he'll be in KG in June. So until there's some sort of news, moving on.

And what better way to move on than with a little unbridled retarded-ness.

Today I had a voicemail message from the bank that we're refinancing with. It went something like this:

"Hello Mr and Mrs _____, this is Cindy from (Bank of Craptasticness). I just wanted to give you a status update if you could call me at (800)555-5555. At the prompt please pick option 1, then option 1 again (at this point I stop writing down the message). At the next prompt please select option 3 and then number 2. Then enter 65288646 and hit the pound key. I look forward to hearing back from you at your earliest convenience."

Yes, I'm sure you do. But let's face it, that's WAY too labor intensive. What the hell is that?! If she was calling me to tell me I won a million dollars and absolutely needed me to call her immediately, I still probably wouldn't call her back. Seriously, GET A DIRECT LINE!!!

And now for something less crap-tastic, look who went riding today.

For those who don't know, Morgan loves horses... but only as much as she loves bugs and mud, which is still a lot but, you know. I practically have to beg her to ride. Granted, she's allergic, but so aren't I. Suck it up, kid! Seriously, I think there was a mix up at the hospital - this can't be my kid. She just couldn't care less. But today my niece Courtney was practicing for her up coming show and I asked Morgan, in passing, if she would like to ride Mr. Dee and she said yes. Shocking! She did awesome though! Even did some barrels. So I'll hold my breathe and quietly hope she finally gets the 'horse bug'.