Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Scammers Get Scammed

I've been trying to get a post up for ya'll but I've been having technical issues. So for now I'm dusting off an oldie but goodie. One of my friends had her horse for sale and she got an e-mail from one of those dip-shit scammers, you know the one who will send you a phony check for more than the item is worth and you snd them a good check for the remainder. Anyway, she decided to have some fun with this asshat. Freakin' precious.

I have a Cheval Canadian in the classified here....Some guy emailed me about " my item" asking the price, tho it was clearly stated in the ad. I replied "scam"....he sent:

Scammer: this isnt scam am serious about geting the ad from you and if only its in good condition

Me: you want an ad?
I have a 3 year old Cheval Canadian. Still interested????

Scammer: yes am still very much interested in the ad and how about the payments?pls get back to me asap

Scammer: pls you have to email me asap

Me: Well, he it is a rare pink color, we just found that out so his price is 8000. It must be picked up soon as it has eaten all of our flowers! It has a voracious appetite for marigolds, am not sure why. Goes well eastern or southern, not so good northern but can be worked at. Best for an adult as he has very sharp teeth.

Scammer: well i will like to take it but can you still reduce the price for me a little bit?that 8000 is some how too much,pls get back to me asap

me:Well, I talked to my partner in this project, and she said we have not perfected it to where we hoped, so in order to move it we are offering half price. It's a great deal for someone like you that is willing to finish how you want. Depending on where you are will decide what discipline will be best, it varies greatly! as you know. What is your location?

Scammer:Well thanks for responding to my mail,i stay in spurger tx,and regarding the shipping, I have a company that takes care of the pick up of my consignments for me and ship to my destination anywhere in the U.S.A, you do not worry about shipping, the company will send down a representative to arrange the sales documentation ! and the pick up from your end for onward transfer to my destination.
I also want to alert you on the fact that you will be recieving an overdraft certified check, which will cover the money for the pickup (pickup and shipping to the final destination) as well as the money to be paid to the company that will take care of the pickup and the documentation with you. So please, as soon as you receive the certified check, go and cash them immediately,
so do you reduce the price for me now?get back to me asap

Me: Well, some bad news for you. One of the legs fell off. I dunno what happened, just flew right off right outside the door. Good thing I am reducing the price to 4000. I am sure you can have it put back on. If that wasn't enough, the darn thing has grown tusks! They are I ivory, I am where in it's breeding has any of the line developed tusks but that added value certainly outweighs the hassle of repairing the leg, right?

Spurger TX, huh? My grandfather lives there too! Small world isn't it? His name is Mr. Ivant Helluva Storie, do you know him???

Scammer:well thats okay by me the cheque will be issued out via ups,i will get back to you asap,and pls hope its still repairable,get back to me asap

Me: I hope it's repairable...That Gorilla glue is amazing stuff, and there are always nails or screws. Just be real careful it doesn't sting or you could get hurt!

Gee, I didn't know UPS delivered checks. I sure hope they can find me. I live in the boonies and the last time I ordered fruit to be delivered it had sprung branches and roots by the time they found me.

What kind of rig are you planning to send for the ad? I hope it's big and can handle alot of weight. This beast weighs about 6000 lbs and that's if it behaves and stays still.
Scammer: well thanks for your concern i will make it ut to the task,the UPS will get to you if the address you gave
me is correct with the zip code,so i will alert you when the payment is issued out asap,stay cool
Scammer: Hello gets back to me with your full name and address where the payments can be issued to
Me: Well, another turn of events.... I am so sorry! It appears that the tusks have accellerated their growth! I think they must weigh well over 100 lbs now and they are over 6 feet long!!!!...never have I seen anything like this before. Poor ad, has trouble keeping his head up....I strongly suggest that upon receipt of the ad ( if you still want it) that you have them surgically removed. Will probably earn you a pretty penny on the ivory market. Heck, you might even reimburse yourself for all this trouble!!!

Anyway, it is now impossible to remove the ad from the the shed with the ad must be sold together. Seeing as I just paid 5000 for the shed, I must ask for more money, $10,000. ought to cover it.

You see, this ad will get stuck if I try to separate it and we certainly don't want an angry 6000 pound ad with 3 legs. ( Don't worry, I have wrapped the leg that fell off in a large plastic bag and am keeping it in a freezer set to low)....Do you want the freezer too? I would hate to see the leg rot during transport, certainly, then, it would not be able to be glued or nailed back on. It would be dead, for sure.

I await your reply. I do have someone else interested, but they only want the leg and the freezer. I would MUCH rather sell the whole thing together. This poor other lady, wants it shipped to Nigeria! Can you imagine the expense??? Let me know. Thank You
Scammer: Well we have to make it clear this time,i thought you said you will be selling it for me 4000 but now that you are selling it complitely i can offer you more that 6500,and pls get back to me with your full name and address where the payments can be issued to asap,pls get back to me if you are okay with this

Me:Well, that was before those big munga tusks got him caught up in the shed...and he sure is getting FAT! I had to move some beams today, one of the tusks was nearly thru the wall...Can you imagine.

Seeing as my new state of the art shed must be part of the deal, i must ask for 10,000....but seeing as I am being such a pain ( i hate this!!!) I will throw in the freezer and the leg, with the ice, for FREE!

Let me know if this works for you....I hope you make up your mind soon...those darn big ivory tusks are growing like crazy! I SWEAR! i did not feed the ad steroids....Never in my LIFE have I witnessed this....That fatness is really worrying me.....I have not upped the food or anything....and he looks so uncomfortable!
Scammer:hello,is there no discount at all?

Me: Sure there is a discount! Look at what you are getting!!! on an ad that was listed originally at $8000: For $10,000 you get the state of the art run in shed, with ALL the beams, plywood and nails ( cost me a whopping 5000 alone just days ago!)The 3 year old ad, (sorry about the leg), the freezer with the leg and ice, and those enormous tusks ( that ALONE would cash in for well over 10,000: you should see those babies! Speaking of babies, there is a huge, huge bonus now! The darn thing had 16 lazyhorse73 babies!!! and get this: the ad is a MALE! I am sure of it, tipped it over myself, has all the right plumbing, and MORE! If all those grow tusks, you will never have to sit at your computer and 'work' ever again!!! Filthy stinkin' rich I tell you!!! AND 1 has an extra leg for the mom/dad....hefty little guy ( I think) and once he grows, am sure it will be a perfect fit! ( and after all, once it's removed you can store it in your 1958 GE Freezer!)

So the price is firm at $10,000, take it or leave it....I have a buyer now also interested in the whole shebang for $25,000, so i can confidently say you are getting a whopper of a deal!AND remember: you can sell all 16 little ones in 2 years when they are weaned, probably get a few thousand for EACH, more if they get these enormous ivory tusks!!!

I will give you first option, I have scruples ya know. Let me know your decision ASAP!!! If you want all of it, I will give you the address to send the 10,000 money order. Don't wait too long....
Me: OH MY! I just went out to check the ads: they are already hopping and are doubling in size....! You should make your decision really really fast.....Shipping the whole crew in that lil shed could become a problem...and soon!
Me: Help! Please email me asap....they are yet LARGER! I need to know if you are still interested....I gotta move them quickly, need the cash to cover the feed bill!
Scammer: Well since thats what you concludede on,i will contact my payments to issue out the payments to you asap,
but i hva e to alert you that i will be sending you an over draft payments that will cover both the shiping fee and your requsted fund so,as soon as you recieve the payments,just deduct your fund and send the remaining balance to the shipper via western union transfer which i will provide with you is information later.pls get back tomeif this work for you

Me: Gee, I was afraid you gave up on me....I was called away to Spurger TX and it really was a shame that I didn't have contact info and I could have just picked up the money orders from you!

You see: My grandfather had a huge litter of Ligers this past Friday and they were rather aggressive and he was quite fearful that they would turn on him. I had to go tame them and get them circus ready....and they will start performing on Wednesday. There is one that is not yet sold. Are you interested? I know how much you like the exotics!
Will contact you when I get home from the jungle.

Regards.....I hear there are 11 of the 16 that have started to grow those lovely tusks....
Scammer: how much will you sell it for me?pls get back to me asap

Me: Well, I just got back in after chasing those blasted little ones....They snuck out under the ad's belly ( it is greatly reduced in girth since the birth) and were all over town! We had to find several contractors with tractors willing to take part in the round up as they were not to be intimidated by the horses, ATV's or even the helicopter! Stubborn little ads, they were quite fierce and resistant about returning to their shed....only the tractors with the raised buckets made them move in the proper direction! Two, that are definitely going to bigger than the parent ad, are stowed nicely in the local elementary school gymnasium, the only place large enuf to contain them! They are spoken for, some farmers want to use them for plowing! Can you imagine? So I will only be able to ship you the freezer, leg, shed, the Ad and 14 little ones. Still a great deal, 12 of the 14 have those tusks! getting longer by the minute! Poor parent Ad, getting wobbly on the 3 legs, but the freezer is preserving the appendage quite well since the local appliance guy gave it a Freon boost. I don't know why, but he was a little pale when I explained that the freezer contained a leg that was very important....He practically ran off, I didn't even get to pay him!
If you are interested still ( and I sure hope you feed bill is out of control!) Let me know and I will send you my address. Thanx so much for bearing with me! They are quite rare and valuable....several folks have contacted me about them. I hope you have an extra large shipping container available!
So, the price is firm at $ 10,000. Please reply to this email, and SOON!
Scammer: Thanks,no problem,give to me your full name and address and the payments will be issued out to you asap,you do not bother about shiping

Me: Ok, so we are in agreement that 10,000 is the final price? Just want to make it clear.

About shipping, being a very responsible ad owner and breeder ( apparently ) I am a bit concerned about adequate shipping arrangements. These are VERY valuable ads! I think the minimal size container must be 180' x 120'...there's ALOT to fit in there. Also, will there be electrical connections and a power source for the freezer? I wouldn't want you to end up with a teetering, 18oo pound, 3 legged ad with those enormous tusks should the leg spoil during transport! Also, care must be taken to wrap those precious ivory will need about 400 yards of bubble wrap for starters....the little ones you could probably cover and protect with large Green Mountain coffee cups, filled with those styrofoam packing peanuts be sure to connect them with elastics so they don't fall off during the journey. I trust you have professional packers all lined up? They are not very cooperative while being wrapped, darn things are pretty wiley!

So, please let me know if the final price is correct at $ 10,000, and I will send you my work address, it will be much easier for the ups man to find me to deliver payment. I will send you the farm address where you can pick up your ads and accompanying accessories then too. OK?
Scammer: thats okay by me,i will be issueing out 18000 dollas to you and pls as sson as you cash it deduct your fund and send the remaining balance as aggreed in the first place,so that the pick-up can be made immediately,pls get back to me asap

Me: No, not 18,000, just 10,000. I am scared I will lose your money! I never have more than 25.00 in the bank at any given time, maybe a little more than that in cash, mostly in coins....I can't imagine being responsible for 8000 of your money! I don't think they will even cash it because I don't have that much in the bank to cover it.

Oh, no, this is perplexing! We are SO close to a deal, and I have already earmarked most of that money for new clothing! You know how expensive those white tank tee shirts and Dickies workpants are, never mind the cost of crew socks and BVD bikini style briefs.....I was so looking forward to getting some money to have my wringer washer keeps pinching off sleeves and pantlegs,a and my BVS more closely resemble uncomfortable! Blasted model T80M was sold to me just a year ago as state of the art....not true and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I am embarrassed to go anywhere til I have some new duds.

Anyhow, $10,000 will be fine, (I prefer American Express Travellers checks) and not a penny more. I am not the most fiscally responsible person I know.

Oh, and I will need your address to get your signature for the bill of sale. I wouldn't want you to get accused of stealing the ads when you cross state lines!

Email me me asap!
Scammer: I thougth we have finalised this issued that you will be sending money to the shiping company that will be responsible for the consignments after I might have sent to you an over draft payments,that you shouldnt bother your self about the shiping,and as soon as you cash the cheque sent accrossed to you,deduct your fund and send the remaining balance to the shiping company custodian,incharge of the consignments,so its then that the pick-up for the ad will be that is why i will be sending 18000
Pls get back to me asap

Me: Well, in order to cash that big check I will have to talk to my bank. They might give me special permission, my neigh~bor tells me, because after all, I own my cabin outright. Last time I checked it was worth a whopping 22,000 because it has 72 acres with it. I will call them on the telegraph this morning after they open to see if they will permit it. If they do, then we are all set! Oh! this is so exciting!!! I just know you will grow quite fond of these beasts very soon, they have become very snuggly, especially the runt. He's about 700 pounds now, and he just loves to rub your leg with his tusks! Simply adorable. The parent ad tries to do it too, got too friendly yesterday and stepped on my foot. Ouch! I had to make myself a cement cast so I could get around here, and darn! is that thing heavy! Anyhow, I will get in touch with you and let you know what the bank says in their wire. I sure hate making you wait to bond with these dears, but details are so important! I trust you have found a reliable, experienced ad shipper? Oh, one more thing, I am sorry to tell you that my neigh~bor has fallen for the ad baby with the extra leg. He is so cute teetering around with that one leg longer and larger than the other. She begged me to let her have him, and I just had to say yes because she started crying! So it is VERY important now to keep that freezer plugged in to keep the leg from melting and spoiling. I am not sure how long it will keep to be able to be glued back on! So now it is 13 babies. Is that OK?
Will email back asap when I hear from my bank....
Me: Oh, one more thing: What is your address or fax so I can send the bill of sale? You have been so kind and patient with the whole situation that I just want to be sure you don't run into any sort of trouble.
Scammer: thanks a lot,pls you can email that to me asap and i will be wating for the reply from your bank

Me: Still waiting to hear from the bank, the telegraph is very slow. I tapped out the message 3 times so far with no reply: dot dot dot dash dash dash...I know they got it.....I need your address or a fax number for the bill of sale, please. ( the ads are getting chubby and the nursing is quite a fiaso, poor parent, getting jabbed in the underbelly with all those little tusks! I await your reply. Regards
Scammer: am sorry for the late response,my address is 1807 debra dr baker, LA 70714
Louisiana hope to hear from you asap

Scammer: pls you are yet to get back to me,you are delaying the payments now,what is your bank saying about the cheque?

Me: I TOLD you...I was waiting for the bank's ok. It's not every day someone gets a check they need to cash of that size. They have told me no to 18,000. They suggest using the ads, shed, freezer as collateral, as they are worth the 10,000, so if you will just send the 10,000 I can use them collateral and hold the check for 10 days for it to clear before we can arrange the shipping.

Did you know that there is a common scam from Nigeria where people buy something with a money order for more than the asking price, and ask that the change be returned? Just last week, someone sent my cousin's, brother's, sister in law's, daughter a money order for her collection of beer bottle caps for 5,000 more than the asking price of $10.00 ( on ebay) and she sent the money back and guess what? 10 Days later the bank called and said that the money order was no good? Now she owes the bank 5,010.00! Ouch, she will have to sell alot of alpaca hair afghans to cover that!!!

Gee! I am so glad you are not one of those. I think they are called Nigerian 419 letters? Ever heard of them? I am thrilled that the ads will get such a good home with you, and not one of those dirty rotten scammers who try to steal my hard earned purple potato farming money....Gheesh: What's the world coming to.
Sigh…I never heard from him again…….

1 comment:

Lori said...

Seriously...I almost peed my pants laughing at this. Freaking HILARIOUS!!!