Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Caught on Tape

Somebody has clearly forgotten that the security camera is recording and I'm the type of mom that would show your crazy antics to the world.
Silly girl.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Hollywood Recap

Whew! To say we had a good time in LA would be an understatement. But now I'm home in the chilly Northeast, suffering from what I can only describe as a Time Zone/ Travel hangover. Despite that, I feel compelled to write what I remember before it disappears into a foggy memory share with you, my bloggy buddies, in a picture-laden post. Shocking, right?

Bev got her paparazzi on when we spotted a car full of freaks. 'Cause, you know, we love freaks!

Only after snapping the shot did we realize the car was being driven by Kat Von D.
We tried to dispense some sage dating advice, but she just wasn't having it. Oh well. We tried.

On Saturday we had a lovely lunch at the famous Chateau Marmont with fellow blogger, Melissa. There's a picture of that but you won't be seeing it. Sadly, Bev's camera was set on Fun House Mirror filter. Shame, because the front desk clerk in-training probably got fired for taking our picture for us. Stupid No Photo policy.

Our hotel was ridiculously close to the Kodak Theater, home of the Oscars.

Hello Oscar!

The lovely Maeghan joined us for a Oscar Eve Party. Maeghan dubbed this our "reverse Oreo cookie" picture.

The giggling started then and lasted for the next 8 hours. Lucky for you, the party included an all-you-can-shot photo booth.

Fast forward to the next day, Oscar Time!

Hollywood Blvd, as well as the entire area around our hotel went into lock down. Tarp covered chain link fences appeared every where. Armed police and swat teams canvased the area and pat-downs were abundant (especially when you ask nicely).

We jockeyed for a decent view of the pretty people arriving. As you can see, we didn't get one.

Even Jesus couldn't resist the Oscar hoopla!

It made me feel better that even HE didn't get an invite.

So after going through the pat-down line enough times to raise suspicion realizing we couldn't see a damn thing, we went back to our room to watch it all on TV.... *sigh*

The next day, LaBev and I decided to take in some sight seeing.

Out of no where this seemingly friendly Aussie tourist pushed me over the cliff.

But I managed to survive!

Then a little light shopping...

Did I mention I got kicked out of a job at Prada on Rodeo Drive?

While on the sight seeing tour our guide showed us Bar Marmont and said how impossible it is to get in since it is the place to be.

Well, that sounds like a challenge, doesn't it?
Oh how we laugh at your challenges!

The Bar Marmont was fabulous; delicious food, tasty wine and it didn't hurt that our waiter was Orlando Bloom's doppelganger.

No, that never hurts.

We may also be engaged...

The following day we hit Venice Beach; an eclectic community of artists, free spirits... and this guy...
Bev dared me to steal his shillelagh.

And just as Bev and I ran out of hand sanitizer, my left coast BFF called with an invite to... wait for it..... THE MAGIC CASTLE!!!!!! The Magic Castle is an uber-exclusive members only club in Hollywood. My friend's business/writing partner/actor Steve was performing so we were put on the list. suh-weet!
The hitch was there's a dress code at the tres chic Castle. It's well documented I'm a jeans and t-shirt kind of girl so it's no surprise that my suitcase didn't contain a cocktail dress or evening gown.
So I did what any girl would do... we went to Bloomingdales... and bought a designer dress.
Amex may be delivering my next statement by truck next month.
We also hustled to shop for a matching pair of heels (again, shocking that my luggage only included flat, sensible shoes...oh, and snow boots. Mustn't forget snow boots in LA *palmface*). We were successful in finding a pair of black peep-toes.... and a $58 parking ticket. Fabulous.
I will never be able to describe the awesomeness that is the Magic Castle. And I don't have any pictures to document either since it's another photo free zone. Bev and I + a place where we couldn't continuously snap silly photos = torture!
We arrived, found our names scrawled on a cocktail napkin on the list, and approached the golden owl (OWL!!!)on the bookshelf, uttered the magic words and a secret panel opened up and gave us entrance into the super secret world of a members only club house.

Immediately I noticed Bev going a few shades grey and shaking a bit. I took that as my cue to shuffle her over to the bar and order her a drink STAT. Turned out it wasn't her thirst that rendered her speechless, but the sight of a certain A-lister, who I shall call HaveYa Gardamn.
After a little vino medication, all was right in the world again and Bev and I set out to scour the castle. It's AMAZING... all old Hollywood splendor from a bygone era meets the Haunted Mansion, complete with a piano playing ghost named Irma.
Here's Irma sitting at the piano with some guy, who's not dead. Thank you to the interwebs for the photo.
We opted out of Lady Gaga's Paparazzi and requested Irma to play Led Zeppelin's Kashmir - which she did....fabulously. She can play anything you request. Magic, right?
As you wonder the castle, magicians are putting on performances in intimate little theaters and private nooks. We sat in on Steve's performance and he was un-flippin-believable!!!! He even picked Bev to assist him in trick that still has us baffled. Magic, ya know. We chatted him up a bit after his performance and I thanked him for the autograph and swag he sent Morgan and Beck from his Disney show.

Eventually Bev and I found the exit the night came to an inevitable end. An unforgettable evening indeed.

A FABULOUS trip for sure.

Friday, February 11, 2011

Pre-Oscars Preparations

LaBev and I will be traveling to LaLa Land* to enjoy the pomp and circumstance of the Academy Awards... well, at least the hoopla behind the Kodak Theater. Yes, that's right, we'll be live from the alley behind the Oscars, right there between the dumpster and the passed out drunk in the SpongeBob costume. HUZZAH!

And just like the stars who will be using the front entrance, Bev and I are feverishly preparing to get glammed up! But unlike our starlet counterparts we haven't starved ourselves for the past two months we have to actually schlep through the mall to find clothing. Sadly, no designers have come knocking at our door, begging us to wear their clothes for free. Harry Winston, are you reading this?

Of course, it all starts with finding the perfect dress.

...which sadly, we didn't.

But at least we have the perfect footwear.
Classy, no?

Maybe we should focus on the accessories...

Do these make me look smaahhhhtttt?

A bird on the head is worth.... ummm... $3.99, according to Claire's.

OWLS!!! What does it mean?!?!

l'élastique rend parfait, non?

after eating a carb-filled lunch hours of shopping, Bev and I were exhausted and we got, perhaps, a little lazy in our quest for the perfect Oscar outfit.

I'm the second from the left... in case you didn't know.

Bev tires of taking her clothes off and finds an easier way to try on outfits.

In the end, we were asked to leave by mall management unsuccessful in our search for our red carpet back alley outfits.

So as it stands, Bev and I will be wearing sweats.

...unless we can borrow the Spongebob costume.

*barring any emergency surgeries or something.

Monday, February 7, 2011


Welcome! This page is getting major hits in the past few days. Are you all heading to Panama? Can I come with? Why not say "Hi" down in the comment area. Don't be shy. I don't bite...hard.

Just wanted to share our little time-lapse video of our transit through the Panama Canal. It takes about 8 hours to get from one ocean to the other, luckily, this video is considerably shorter.

And yes, it would be cooler if the music was Van Halen's Panama
... stupid copyright laws. Pshhhhhhhh.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Bikini Babes

The fam and I recently fled life's madness and cruised from Miami to LA. If a picture's worth 1000 words, this post is a novel. But I promise, if you stick with me all the way to the end you will be rewarded with a scantly clad lady and some found porn... and by found, I mean the ill-chosen art that stared at me day in and day out right.at.the.foot.of.my.bed.

Shall we get this cruise started? Yes, yes we shall. Did we bring enough wine? Sadly, no. No, we didn't.

Aboard the NCL Star

RUN! Sea Monster!

DooDoo choose your song wisely

Back off ladies! He's mine!

Hot Taco

Guess who got a new dress...

Go on... guess!
Sea junk

More Sea Junk

Psshhhh! We don't need no stinkin' properly fitting life jackets!

The glasses were buy one, get one. What?

This picture scares me.

So we went from big boat to a little boat, cruising down a murky river in Costa Rica when our driver (captain?) jumped barefoot out of the boat and summoned his friend out of the water

My first thought: Does anyone else know how to driver the boat home. This was no petting zoo! That's a wild 15ft Croc.

Beck's gonna work his way up to the crocs.

This is how you go through the Panama Canal

Being carried off by 15 medical personal is NOT.
Although I don't have the official tally, I know of at least two deaths on our ship. Not bad considering the median age of the passengers was 103.

Just for the record, I have been cleared of any involvement in either deaths.

11pm: This is a clear hint that the counselors in the kids' club hate you.
I LOVE wrestling my over-tired, high-as-a-kite-on-sugar kid into a late night shower. FYI that's not face paint, its black axel grease.

Easy come

Easy go

Ice cream.every.single.day.

Only 12 kids on the ship = kids pool all to ourselves.

Just as we took this picture we got rear-ended. It was a hit and gallop.

OK, as promised... some found porn.

This massive....ummmm, lighthouse... light-less lighthouse... light-less lighthouse with a curve to the right...

moving on...


So, there you have it. It was a fabulous vacation.

What? The lady in the bikini? Oh yeahhhhh, I'm sorry. Let me zoom out...

You know I couldn't see that and not take a picture! Well, gotta go, my handbasket is ready.