Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Room To Breathe

Monday, Joe announced only hours before Morgan's dance class that he moved Morgan's dance shoes (TWO WEEKS AGO!!!)"because they needed to be put away", however he doesn't recall where exactly he put them... obviously not "away", but rather far, far away. We searched the house high and low and there's no sign of her dance shoes.

Oh, and did I mention her teacher is Hitler of the Dance? Yeah, there's no way we're showing up to dance without the proper dance shoes. I believe you get shot on sight for that.

So since Joe and his squirrelly ways got "us" into this situation, I suggested he get "us" out of it.

He spent the next 5 Minutes thinking through the situation and the best way to remedy his obvious blunder. He finally concocted the best plan to fix everything... he asked me to take care of it. Not the course of action I was hoping for, but time was ticking and let's face it, if I left it up to him he'd send her to ballet in SpongeBob slippers.
So I spent the afternoon calling around, trying to find the exact shoes required for class. A fifty mile road trip and $80 later I produced the required shoes, no help from the hubster of course.

Fast forward less than 24 hours later. I wake up to the sound of the school bus pausing momentarily at the end of our drive and then continuing on. I look at the clock; 7:18am! It seems as though the prospect of the alarm clock annoyingly waking up my husband bothered him so much that he turned it off before the little bugger had the chance to interrupt sleep.
I rush to get both kids up, fed, lunches packed and each off to their schools. Since Morgan missed most of last week due to our little visit from the Swinethrax Fairy, I felt it was imperative to get her to school on time. I ask Joe if he'd bring Morgan and I'd get Beck. His reply as he calmly enjoyed his breakfast, "I don't know where her school is." and simply continued watching Fox and Friends.

WHAT!?! It's three freakin' miles from our house!!!! Are you kidding me?!!!

Again, like the shoes, I knew if I forced the issue he'd prove he was correct in his incompetence. So to save our daughter from repeating Second grade, I tossed both kids in the car and managed to get them both to their schools on time.

Seriously, I just wonder what little gem of shit will get thrown my way tomorrow. I'm the super hero of others' craptastic blunders!

Here's a video that I'll be playing for Joe while ordering a load of concrete is creepy... hey. it's Halloween.

Plus I love me some Art Alexakis!

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Mind Blogging

Boy, have you missed some hilarious blog posts lately… Freakin' funny, I tell ya! Real knee-slappers... unfortunately they’re all in my head. Yup, I’ve been blogging like wildfire but thus far have failed to actually put words to keyboard. I need to see about having that USB port installed in my head. And of course now that I sit here, with literally minutes of free time, I got nadda.

I suck.

But that's not going to stop me.

So let me distract you from the fact that I got nothing in the way of funny by delivering you a quick summary of ma vie en dullsville.

After seven years of being exclusive with the old Dell-dinosaur, I’ve finally started seeing a new laptop. It’s not serious yet. We've decided to keep it casual and see where it goes. Of course, I keep finding myself seeking comfort with my old slow, dilapidated laptop. You know I hate change. Plus all my friends are in here…. And lots and lots of pictures that I don’t yet feel comfortable sharing with the new guy. Least he gets the wrong idea about me.

In other news, remember that post saying “Its’s not swine flu”… I guess I lied. Last week sucked. ‘Nuff that.

In keeping with all things craptastic, it appears that I missed the boat on making Taz a movie star. Disney is filming a new movie, Secretariat, and they had a casting call for horses who could pass as the famous race horse. Well, our Taz just happens to be Secretariat’s Grandson and a spitting image of him to boot.

Taz or Secratariat? (hint: That's not me)

Not only does Taz have just the right look (right down to that funny kite marking on his head), but he knows his way around a race track (left turn, then a left, another left… har har!) and he’s quiet enough that anyone could ride him. Unfortunately, the cut off to submit headshots was September 7. Boo! So no hanging with Diane Lane, John Malkovich, or Kevin Connolly for Taz.

The real Taz

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

(Nearly) Wordless Wednesday

Fun with Grammie and Bumpa - Panning for gold

Enjoying a picnic while Letterboxing

Today the horses were visited by the dentist. They were drugged heavily and awoke with clean pearly whites... but of course not before I snapped a few pictures and laughed mercilessly.


That's all I got. Have a great day.

Monday, October 19, 2009

Baby Jessica of the Sky!

As I suspected, Hitler didn't take this whole Balloon Boy hoax very well...

OK, OK, I couldn't decide which one I liked better.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

It's Not the Swine Flu (This Time)

This is my third post of the month. Woo-hoo! I'm on fire!

Hey, I tried posting a picture every day last month... I'm worn out. Give me a break!

But despite my lack of blogging, I have been busy.

Through the magical and mystical powers of Facebook, I caught up with a friend I haven't seen in 20 years! Heather and I showed our horses together, went to camp (with our horses) together and all around just had a ton of fun.
Heather and I had horses that tried to kill us were both crazy speed demons that didn't know the word "whoa". But that didn't stop us from risking certain death trying our best in the show ring even though we were always tied for last place. Oh and our horses LOVED each other. Ralph was the only horse Lady didn't make her mission to kill.
Then Heather called me one day and told me her parents had sold Ralph. I couldn't imagine how devastating that must have felt. And shortly after, I lost contact with her.

Flash forward 20 years... We e-mailed back and forth and I invited Heather out to the farm for a ride. So on Friday she came over, we saddled up and hit the trails. We had a great talk, laughed about our crazy antics as kids and caught up on the last twenty years. It was just one of those moments that make me grateful for life, grateful for friends and grateful to fabulous memories.

And speaking of great friends, I had plans for some Indian Food and a little shopping with our very own Bevers Friday night. But by 3pm the sore throat I had been trying to ignore, escalated into full body chills and a throbbing headache. I called Bev while shivering under my down comforter while wearing my winter jacket to regretfully bail out on our evening of fun. Damn germs!

Rewind a few days earlier: I've been horse trailer shopping for at least two months and haven't found exactly what I'm looking for. I had made a list of possible trailers and Joe and I even traveled last weekend to look at my #1 pick thus far. It was a 1997 Hawk 3 Horse for $9000. I had tried to negotiate for a lower price but she wasn't budging. So we looked at the trailer. It was OK... just OK.
So the other night I decided to look on eBay and voila! found my dream trailer! 2008 3 horse Hawk with a Buy It Now for $9990. This trailer retails at $17,000 so I bumbled around trying to remember my damn eBay password and after 20 freakin' tries, finally logged on and hit the BUY IT NOW button. Woot!

So Friday night, as I lay in bed pondering the possibility of having Swinethrax, the guy selling the trailer calls and said he can meet us in NY at 10:30 AM the next morning. Ugh. I agreed anyway. And went to bed..... and laid there wide awake, feeling like death. Luckily I didn't have to lay there too long since I had to pack up the family and hit the road before sunrise. Double ugh.

I was pretty impressed when we made the 4 hour trek and pulled into the specified meeting place at the same time as that shiny new trailer. He had driven the trailer 2 hours East for us... THANK GAWD!

So now my horses have a new ride...

Twelve hours, an entire box of tissues, and copious amounts of cold meds after we left home, we finally arrived back. I parked the trailer, fed the horses and crawled into bed... and slept for 12 hours! Ahhhhh sweet sleep of the dead!

Today I woke up feeling MUCH better. Swineflu averted!

Monday, October 12, 2009

Why Horses Shouldn't Climb Ladders

This will be the last time Joe leaves anything unattended within the reach of the horses!
While he went to grab more waterseal, one of the horses (*cough* Eclipse *cough*) decided to put his hoof on the second rung and try to climb. Yeah, I guess it's not rated for 1,000 pounds! Who knew.

In other news, we're having some tasty steaks tonight...


This weekend Joe and I ran away enjoyed a little childless getaway in Boston. We stayed in the lovely Hyatt in the heart of the city. As I settled into the uber-soft and comfy bed, I looked forward to not having to get up early. Yes that fact alone justifies taking off and shelling out a small fortune. I smiled as I thought of a morning where I'd wake up just by the shear power and will of my well-rested body. I would rise without some tyke's hot breathe in my face asking me for some Eggo's. Oh the peace, the sweet tranquility.

...until about 4:55am when the DAMN FIRE ALARM went off!

Now I know what you're thinking..."haven't I heard this story before?". Why yes, yes you have!!!! A mere six months ago at my last stay at a luxury getaway!
So I schlepped 9 floors down, stood on the street while an annoyed group of firemen never even got out of their truck. Then they simply drove away. I took this to be the "all clear" signal and hoofed it back up the 9 flights... panting, tired and sporting the best of the "bed-head" style.

Note to self: next hotel stay I won't bother to get into my PJ's, but instead go to bed fully clothed, wearing my jacket and clutching my purse. It'll just make my eventual shuffle outside into the cold dark night that more convenient.

Monday, October 5, 2009

Do I Know you?

I will readily admit that I do not possess the gene that makes it possible for me to recognize people. I'm talking people I've met a few times AND long time acquaintances; clients, old schoolmates...relatives. I may know I know you from somewhere, but 9 out of 10 times the ol' brain never comes up with how, or who.

...and names? Ha! forgetaboutit!

... and if I see you out of context... yeah, I'm screwed.

I chalk it up to the ol' stroke. It's a good enough reason for me.

Joe, on the other hand, never forgets a face. We were once at a crowded event when he pointed a lady out of the sea of faces and announced, "hey, that was our waitress when we went to XYZ Restaurant."

To which I replied, "We went to XYZ Restaurant?"

Yeah, it sucks.

A few months ago while out shopping, I had a lady come up to me and said, "Hi Mala". I'm sure I hit her with my deer-in-headlights look before I snapped out of it and pretended I knew her. We exchanged casual conversation while my mind raced, internally screaming "WHO THE HELL IS SHE!!?". She looked so dang familiar! Damn it!!!! Inside my head, Bubbles, my little mind assistant, frantically riffled through draws and files... finding nothing but my massive ball of rubber bands and 3 months of Tupperware from lunch. DAMN!
Then the kindly lady said she'd see me tomorrow and walked away. WHAT?! Bubbles is so fired!
Sadly, it wasn't until the next day when I dropped Beck off at school, and was greeted by the school's owner, that the precious file was found.

Yes, I'm that bad.

But once, my acute nomenclature amnesia (ANA) proved to be quite comical. Joe and I were in a store when we ran into my friend's jerk of an ex. I had known him many years and found him nothing more than annoying. But he liked to try to make my friend jealous by teasing her with notions of asking me out - thinking I'd have any interest!. Jerkus. So I introduced my husband to Chad, Chad to my husband, exchanged a quick "what have you been up to, Chad?", and parted ways. About 20 minutes later, it hit me like a baseball bat to the forehead!
"Clay!" I shouted.
"What?" Joe asked.
"His name is Clay." I laughed uncontrollably. "He never corrected me. He just let me call him Chad through the whole conversation."
My friend also got a chuckle from the little kick to his ego.

So last Friday night I was presenting a wine tasting when a two guests arrived and greeted me warmly, by my name and all. "Oh damn", I thought. "I have not a clue who they are." They both look familiar, and they both give off warm and fuzzy vibes, so I played along, keeping the conversation casual, always steering it back towards wine.

They asked how my aunt was doing and did she ever buy a new horse. DAMN IT! Where the hell is that file?! I must know them. They were armed with all sorts of specific and personal info; and me, with just a vague notion I've seen them before. I kept the charade up for two whole hours, all the while panicking and cursing myself. Once everyone had left, I asked the host who my two best friends were. She looked at me funny, as if I were kidding. "One is M, she's your neighbor, you go to her for massages...." A-ha! "the other is J, she's came to my last wine tasting and you also went to her for a massage. I bought you the gift certificate."

I sheepishly laughed, "Oh yeah. Guess I don't remember people I remove my clothes for...ha" .


I suck.

Joe says it's because I don't try to remember peoples' names. I say it's because my head is so jam-packed with trivial crap that I just don't have the file space.
And there's no way I'm tossing out every line from Office Space just to make room for something so boring as names.

Or maybe it's my extremely short attention span...

...hey, I got my hair done today. I decided to really go for something different...

So I picked RED. I normally avaoid red at all costs, but today I was feeling a bit sassy and embraced the red locks.

Anyway, what was I talking about?

...wait, who are you?