Pre-Oscars Preparations

LaBev and I will be traveling to LaLa Land* to enjoy the pomp and circumstance of the Academy Awards... well, at least the hoopla behind the Kodak Theater. Yes, that's right, we'll be live from the alley behind the Oscars, right there between the dumpster and the passed out drunk in the SpongeBob costume. HUZZAH!

And just like the stars who will be using the front entrance, Bev and I are feverishly preparing to get glammed up! But unlike our starlet counterparts we haven't starved ourselves for the past two months we have to actually schlep through the mall to find clothing. Sadly, no designers have come knocking at our door, begging us to wear their clothes for free. Harry Winston, are you reading this?

Of course, it all starts with finding the perfect dress.

...which sadly, we didn't.

But at least we have the perfect footwear.
Classy, no?

Maybe we should focus on the accessories...

Do these make me look smaahhhhtttt?

A bird on the head is worth.... ummm... $3.99, according to Claire's.

OWLS!!! What does it mean?!?!

l'élastique rend parfait, non?

after eating a carb-filled lunch hours of shopping, Bev and I were exhausted and we got, perhaps, a little lazy in our quest for the perfect Oscar outfit.

I'm the second from the left... in case you didn't know.

Bev tires of taking her clothes off and finds an easier way to try on outfits.

In the end, we were asked to leave by mall management unsuccessful in our search for our red carpet back alley outfits.

So as it stands, Bev and I will be wearing sweats.

...unless we can borrow the Spongebob costume.

*barring any emergency surgeries or something.

Panama!

Welcome! This page is getting major hits in the past few days. Are you all heading to Panama? Can I come with? Why not say "Hi" down in the comment area. Don't be shy. I don't bite...hard.

Just wanted to share our little time-lapse video of our transit through the Panama Canal. It takes about 8 hours to get from one ocean to the other, luckily, this video is considerably shorter.

And yes, it would be cooler if the music was Van Halen's Panama
... stupid copyright laws. Pshhhhhhhh.

Bikini Babes

The fam and I recently fled life's madness and cruised from Miami to LA. If a picture's worth 1000 words, this post is a novel. But I promise, if you stick with me all the way to the end you will be rewarded with a scantly clad lady and some found porn... and by found, I mean the ill-chosen art that stared at me day in and day out right.at.the.foot.of.my.bed.

Shall we get this cruise started? Yes, yes we shall. Did we bring enough wine? Sadly, no. No, we didn't.

Aboard the NCL Star

RUN! Sea Monster!

DooDoo choose your song wisely

Back off ladies! He's mine!

Hot Taco


Guess who got a new dress...

Go on... guess!
Sea junk

More Sea Junk

Psshhhh! We don't need no stinkin' properly fitting life jackets!

The glasses were buy one, get one. What?

This picture scares me.



So we went from big boat to a little boat, cruising down a murky river in Costa Rica when our driver (captain?) jumped barefoot out of the boat and summoned his friend out of the water

My first thought: Does anyone else know how to driver the boat home. This was no petting zoo! That's a wild 15ft Croc.

Beck's gonna work his way up to the crocs.

This is how you go through the Panama Canal

Being carried off by 15 medical personal is NOT.

Although I don't have the official tally, I know of at least two deaths on our ship. Not bad considering the median age of the passengers was 103.

Just for the record, I have been cleared of any involvement in either deaths.

11pm: This is a clear hint that the counselors in the kids' club hate you.

I LOVE wrestling my over-tired, high-as-a-kite-on-sugar kid into a late night shower. FYI that's not face paint, its black axel grease.

Easy come

Easy go

Ice cream.every.single.day.

Only 12 kids on the ship = kids pool all to ourselves.

Just as we took this picture we got rear-ended. It was a hit and gallop.


OK, as promised... some found porn.

This massive....ummmm, lighthouse... light-less lighthouse... light-less lighthouse with a curve to the right...

moving on...

VOILA!

So, there you have it. It was a fabulous vacation.

What? The lady in the bikini? Oh yeahhhhh, I'm sorry. Let me zoom out...

You know I couldn't see that and not take a picture! Well, gotta go, my handbasket is ready.