Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Tuesday Truths

I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer
history if you die.

Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

There is great need for a sarcasm font.

How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

Was learning cursive really necessary?

Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know
how to get out of my neighborhood.

Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

Bad decisions make good stories.

You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know
that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blu Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.

I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

Feel free to add your own.


Bev said...

BRAVO!!!!! This. was. AWESOME.

PS) You'd better believe I'll be clearing your browser history as long as you agree to come dispose of my porn stash. (not to be confused with a porn 'stache.)

Coffeypot said...


Samsmama said...

This is such a classic! Makes me giggle whenever I read it. Stay strong, indeed!

Mala said...

Bev - by 'dispose' I assume you mean 'enjoy thoroughly', yes?
Oh and clear out my cell texts too, would ya?

Coffey - agreed! Seriously, fitted sheets are designed to just be balled up and stuffed in the closet.

Samsmama - They were too good to not share. So why doesn't the freezer have a light? Some of that shits been lost in there for ages.


Very creative and fun E. :)

MtnMama said...

Awesome list! Shared it at work, and my bud sent me back "8:45 am, every day" to "You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know
that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day."

That's before he walks in the door...

tracey said...

Brilliant list!

Mala said...

Israel - Funny because they're so darn true.

MtnMama - HA!!!! Awesome.

Tracey - *waves* hello! Glad you stopped in.

janiece said...

Umm, Ted says "unless Kay is easy/skanky" (personally I say more kisses start with Korbel around here--but then again, I'm not Miller lite cheap"
And yes,--please someone clean out my computer history--except for the kids pictures. I will honestly say lots of friends--not a best.
And then yes--sometimes, my favorite word is what? I learned after agreeing one too many times--and finding out after to agreeing to another project--or a marriage.

Michelle said...

I was eating a handful of oreos when I came to your blog....not out of hunger! Thank goodness your list snapped me out of my boredom induced cookie binge!

Mala said...

Janiece - Crap! Don't you hate it when you think you can give yourself a momentary mental vacay and BOOM! you've nodded yourself into yet another freakin' obligation!

Michelle - Mmmmmmm cookie binge... be right back.

Marnie and Jeremy said...

VERA! VERA! What has become of you?