Do I Know you?

I will readily admit that I do not possess the gene that makes it possible for me to recognize people. I'm talking people I've met a few times AND long time acquaintances; clients, old schoolmates...relatives. I may know I know you from somewhere, but 9 out of 10 times the ol' brain never comes up with how, or who.

...and names? Ha! forgetaboutit!

... and if I see you out of context... yeah, I'm screwed.

I chalk it up to the ol' stroke. It's a good enough reason for me.

Joe, on the other hand, never forgets a face. We were once at a crowded event when he pointed a lady out of the sea of faces and announced, "hey, that was our waitress when we went to XYZ Restaurant."

To which I replied, "We went to XYZ Restaurant?"

Yeah, it sucks.

A few months ago while out shopping, I had a lady come up to me and said, "Hi Mala". I'm sure I hit her with my deer-in-headlights look before I snapped out of it and pretended I knew her. We exchanged casual conversation while my mind raced, internally screaming "WHO THE HELL IS SHE!!?". She looked so dang familiar! Damn it!!!! Inside my head, Bubbles, my little mind assistant, frantically riffled through draws and files... finding nothing but my massive ball of rubber bands and 3 months of Tupperware from lunch. DAMN!
Then the kindly lady said she'd see me tomorrow and walked away. WHAT?! Bubbles is so fired!
Sadly, it wasn't until the next day when I dropped Beck off at school, and was greeted by the school's owner, that the precious file was found.

Yes, I'm that bad.

But once, my acute nomenclature amnesia (ANA) proved to be quite comical. Joe and I were in a store when we ran into my friend's jerk of an ex. I had known him many years and found him nothing more than annoying. But he liked to try to make my friend jealous by teasing her with notions of asking me out - thinking I'd have any interest!. Jerkus. So I introduced my husband to Chad, Chad to my husband, exchanged a quick "what have you been up to, Chad?", and parted ways. About 20 minutes later, it hit me like a baseball bat to the forehead!
"Clay!" I shouted.
"What?" Joe asked.
"His name is Clay." I laughed uncontrollably. "He never corrected me. He just let me call him Chad through the whole conversation."
My friend also got a chuckle from the little kick to his ego.

So last Friday night I was presenting a wine tasting when a two guests arrived and greeted me warmly, by my name and all. "Oh damn", I thought. "I have not a clue who they are." They both look familiar, and they both give off warm and fuzzy vibes, so I played along, keeping the conversation casual, always steering it back towards wine.

They asked how my aunt was doing and did she ever buy a new horse. DAMN IT! Where the hell is that file?! I must know them. They were armed with all sorts of specific and personal info; and me, with just a vague notion I've seen them before. I kept the charade up for two whole hours, all the while panicking and cursing myself. Once everyone had left, I asked the host who my two best friends were. She looked at me funny, as if I were kidding. "One is M, she's your neighbor, you go to her for massages...." A-ha! "the other is J, she's came to my last wine tasting and you also went to her for a massage. I bought you the gift certificate."

I sheepishly laughed, "Oh yeah. Guess I don't remember people I remove my clothes for...ha" .

Awkward.

I suck.

Joe says it's because I don't try to remember peoples' names. I say it's because my head is so jam-packed with trivial crap that I just don't have the file space.
And there's no way I'm tossing out every line from Office Space just to make room for something so boring as names.

Or maybe it's my extremely short attention span...



...hey, I got my hair done today. I decided to really go for something different...

So I picked RED. I normally avaoid red at all costs, but today I was feeling a bit sassy and embraced the red locks.

Anyway, what was I talking about?



...wait, who are you?