Wednesday, January 6, 2010

I'm Taking It Personally, Steven!

I've been a long time fan of Aerosmith. What can I say, I dig 'em.
Growing up just two towns from their Sunapee homes, you'd think I would have eventually run into them. Nope.
In middle school, one of my classmates was BFF with Mia Tyler and she'd often spend time at the Tyler's lakeside home. So I lived vicariously through her tales of romping around the rocker's compound, which included an incident of spotting a naked Steven coming out of the shower while playing in the master bedroom. Yeah, I made her tell me that story over and over again. What?
Fast forward a few years when I was living in Florida, working as a pro-audio rep. We got an emergency call that Aerosmith was playing in the central Florida and needed an amp pronto! I was more than eager to volunteer to make the delivery (and I'd bring the amp! OH!). Calls were made, arrangements arranged and I cleverly hid finished the rest of my work so I could race off to be the Bad Boys from Boston's knight in shining vinyl make my employer proud and deliver to one of our clients in a professional manner. Unfortunately, just before I peeled out of the parking lot like a fugitive departed for the 3 hour drive, word came that one of our dealers, local to the venue, had delivered the amp. Bastards!
A few weeks later I had wasted an entire day shopping at the local mega mall. On the drive home the DJ announced the Steven Tyler had just been spotted shopping for shoes at the very same mall. FAIL AGAIN! WTH!

Now you may be wondering why I don't just buy a ticket to a show. Oh, but I have. At least 4 times, and each the show has been CANCELLED! One of my friend's scoffed at the thought that the band has cancelled every show I've had tickets for, "they've never cancelled any show I've gone to". So together we bought tickets... and they cancelled. Hate to tell you I told you so, but...
She insisted it was a fluke. So a year later we bought tickets...again. And then Steven got laryngitis. Cancelled AGAIN! My friend then vowed she would never let me know when they toured again in fear that my very knowledge of Aerosmith performing would cause Steven to, oh I don't know, take a header off the stage. Oh.

But then a few months ago I found out Steven was coming to town to do a small, intimate benefit show at a local theater. He'd play a few songs, tell a few stories, share some video clips of the band over the years and field some Q&As. I wasted no time telling my friend, who was psyched that I was willing to get up early and beat down the theater door to get tickets. and I wasn't totally offended when she asked me to consider camping out for the tickets but refrain from actually planning on attending the show.
So I got to the theater 2 hours before the doors opened and tickets went on sale. Once at the ticket window I slipped the teller an extra $50 and landed us third row seats! Sweet! $650 later I had hopes that this time I'd actually see Steven Tyler. After all, I'd been trying for over 20 years and it would be nice to see him live before he turns to dust, which, by looking at some pictures, won't be too long.

By now, you know where this is going.

Yup. It was announced the other day that the show has been cancelled. This is my shocked face. Something about rehab, blah, blah, blah. Seriously, does he need to be sober for this gig? I don't think so!

I'm officially never ever buying tickets to anything Areosmith ever, ever again.

Guess it's back to Lake Sunapee if I want a chance to catch a glimpse of Steven Tyler.


or maybe not.

23 comments:

MtnMama said...

BEST.RockStar.Story.Ever!
I too am a longtime Aerosmith fan (early Joe Perry - yum) because of their lasting music, of course. "Walk This Way," anyone? Still... it is inexcuseable what he has done to you. Shame!
I find it uncomfortably sad to watch my favorite personalities aging (that blonde pic made me spit coffee), and I think that after 30 we really don't need to see anyone in a bathing suit.

calicobebop said...

Hmmm, have you considered that it might be a sign? Steven Tyler is clearly not worthy of your fan-ship! Who's next in your list of worthy rock-stars? I say "Mala, he's not worthy!"

Bev said...

I agree with Calico! He's not worthy! He's not worthy!

Friggin' Aerosmith. SO RUDE!

Let's see if Cake is touring again. I feel like gettin' yelled at. ;)

Michelle said...

so scary...steven tyler's pictures on your blog are seriously scary.

Mary said...

while I'm sorry for your woes, that last photo of Steven looks like a Bigfoot spotting...
how is it possible he's gotten even worse looking?

Coffeypot said...

Sorry you didn't make it, but, duddette, he is one butt ugly dude.

But that's a good thing. It means there is still hope for me because I can sing as good as he can - in the shower.

Bring it on ladies.

otin said...

Maybe you can get a heads up on what nursing home he will be in???

Mala said...

MtnMama - I agree, Joe Perry is...errrr, I mean was, a tasty morsel. Mmmmmmm

Calico - A sign, perhaps. My friend insists that the day I ever actually see ST he'll probably suffer some horrid fate.

Bev - Yes, cake. It's always good to get a horticulture lesson by an irate fruit-tree-lovin', geographically-challenged singer in the middle of a concert. Good times.

Michelle - I thought I was being nice. Trust, there were worse ones! But now I don't feel badly about writing this!

Mary - <a href="http://www.ideagrove.com/blog/2007/01/sasquatch-sighting-in-maui.htmlyou may be right!</a>

Coffeypot - Are you telling me you're sporting a one piece spandex unitard? BRING IT!

Otin - HA!!!!!! Excellent point! He won't get away from me then! Oh wait, ekk, technically he could.

Mala said...

Damn it! I'm not typing all that crap again.

Mary - Did I do it right now?

Brooklyn ML said...

Is that blonde really ST? Ewwwww. I mean, seriously, EWWWWWWWWW.

Lori said...

At the risk of invoking the jeers this comment probably deserves, here goes...

"And that's why I just stick with New Kids On The Block...they'd sooner sell their souls to the devil than cancel their 'We're Back!' tour!"

(Wait, maybe they HAVE sold their souls to the devil if rational people like me are willing to pay $400 a ticket to see them!!)

Mary said...

ARRRRRGGGGGG! You DID do it right!
And I'm excited that I had such a spot-on observation :)

Mala said...

Brooklyn - whether it is or isn't, the fact that we have to ask says a lot, eh?

Lori, Oh, Lori. Say it ain't so! NKOTB? Really? I'm staging an intervention!

Mary - Yay!

dogimo said...

All I can say is - ow! Oww! ACK-ACK-ACK-ACK-ACK-OWW!!!!

onebadmamajama said...

Maybe it's the powers that be intervening on your behalf because they know how utterly disgusted you would be if you saw him live and in person! Although, looking at the pics, I'm pretty sure he's been dead for a LONG time and just hasn't had the decency to realize it! ;)

Frank Irwin said...

Mala, you must not be hanging out at the right WalMarts.

Mala said...

Dogimo - Fabulous to see you here. Please tell me you're doing some sort og jig as you say that. At least that's what I picture.

OBMJ - Yeah, he and Keith Richards are just sustaining on the fumes now.

Frank - HA! Apparently so! I have to laugh that the other dude has his face hidden. Oh the shame.

dogimo said...

Mala - complete with scarves!

Tied to a broomstick, alas. My mic-stand's in the shop.

Mala said...

Dogimo - Amazing! Just as it is in my mind!

Cary said...

That second pic is not Steven Tyler. It's Erica Jong. Isn't it? God I hope so.

Walk this way... for your refund.

SEO Services said...
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Mala said...

Cary - No, it's my MIL. D'oh.

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