Monday, May 10, 2010


Last week I acquired a new tenant in the horse barn; a baby squirrel who thought I was his new BFF. As cute as he was, the little rodent in a fur coat was constantly under foot.

No really, I almost squished him several times.

The other night, Sir Nuts-A-Lot decided he was having a sleep over in Mr. Dee's stall. Still suspicious he may be a rabies-carrying vermin, I tried politely shoo-ing him out. He just ignored me and continued to roll around making little squirrel angels in the shavings. So then I tried pushing him with my boot. In an act of defiance, he went all stiff-legged and refused to budge. With nails digging into the wood floors and little squirrely skid marks all the way, I finally managed to get him into the hallway where he had a clear, straight shot out of the barn. But no, the stubborn little rat in a fur coat just sat there, refusing to leave. But now, as I booted his little squirrel behind nudged him onwards, he started to growl and lunge at me. Little bastard. The louder I cried yelled at him to leave, the louder he growled and jumped up and down angrily.

By now it was nearing midnight, and I couldn't let the horses in until the little squirrel was out of the way. As much as he was making me cry angry, picking up smooshed squirrel wasn't a pleasant option, for either of us. So I filled a bucket of water and tried to wash him out of the barn. He rode the wave of water a few feet and then turned back to look at me. He was not too happy. But still not budging.

By the second bucket of frigid water, he just looked plain pathetic and terribly sad as he slowly scampered out of the barn. Defeated.

I, unfortunately, spent the rest of the night reading up on Eastern Grey Squirrel and how you should never allow the baby squirrels to get cold and wet or they'll die a horrible death by hypothermia.
I'm a horrid baby squirrel killer. I. suck.

Or so I thought.

The next morning Nutty McNutNut was back out to greet me, no worse for the wear. But by then I had decided I needed to break out the Hav-A-Hart trap. Sadly, I have no idea how to set the damn thing. And while I tried figuring it out, he ran in and out of it, playing, and having a great time trying to figure out what the hell I was doing.

At least he was nice enough to pose for a picture with the trap.

By Day 3 he made himself right at home. He put on a great show for a crowd of people I had at the barn; playing amongst their feet, scampering around in everyone's way, mocking me by standing on his little Hav-A-Hart trap.

I finally had my victory when I caught the little bugger on Saturday night! As I laughed triumphantly at him in his cage, this little guy came to see what all the ruckus was about.

I quickly grabbed a bucket, and laid it on the ground...

...and he walked right in!

So now I had two squirrels, and it's Sunday morning...what to do? What to do?
And then it dawned on me!

Aren't I just the best daughter ever?

And they're living the good life, being pampered squirrels.

Unless we get a hankerin' for squirrel melts...


Frank Irwin said...

Finally! A post that has something to do with "Mixed Nuts"! :-)

That's a funny story.

Samsmama said...

No freaking way in hell am I watching that video. Nope. Not happening.

Great story! The pictures were such a delightful bonus!

Bev said...

Aw, I love a happy ending! I can't believe your mom is actually handling that potentially-disease-ridden vermin....

Cute pics and story, malomatic!

JJ said...

Is that really your mom holding the squirrel or am I just super gullible?

Regardless, funny story and adorable squirrel(s).

Lori said...

Look, I may be gullible too but I'm just LOVING the story of the baby squirrels and your mom really having a special bond and I'm sticking with it. In fact, in my mind's story, your mom is dressing them in sweet little squirrel sweaters this very minute.


Mala said...

Frank - Surely this isn't the first post about nuts... may I direct you to my "Tight Jeans Tuesday" post?

Samsmama - Oh c'mon, watch it! Nutritious AND DELICIOUS!

Bev - Of course she did. They were a (Mother's Day)gift.

JJ and Lori - yup, that's my Mom. The two squirrel babies are living in a hamster condo in her house until the weather gets better. And yes, she's been dressing them up

onebadmamajama said...

That was an awesome story! :)

Frank Irwin said...

You don't live near Strongsville, do you?

Samsmama said...

Man, squirrels are not to be messed with! Can't stand them, myself. But I've never thought of calling 911 on them.

What also made laugh was the report of the turtle blocking the entrance to the mall. How freaking big was that thing?

Also, juvenilles jumping into traffic? Let 'em be.

Mala said...

Sure I could have called the cops, but then I'd have to actually go shopping for a Mother's Day gift.

MtnMama said...

okay, that's what I get for being a day late and a dollar short... but at least I understand the squirrel references now.

I've seen the Martha does Squirrel vid before (shudder), so I'll skip past it now, thanks.
I hate squirrels. We have history.

Shea said...

I've had several pet squirrels with mixed success... my last one, Iora, escaped to the outdoors and evidently went forth and multiplied. We have a notoriously mean squirrel that knocked Sophie out of a tree causing her blacked eyes where the nut hit her and 7 broken bones when she hit the dirt. The meanie still leaves in the back paddock and throws nuts and twigs at anyone (or horse) that gets too close to it's tree.

Mala said...

MtnMama - I get the same nasty taste in my head everytime I watch that video. BLAH! boiled rodent mixed with mayo and slapped on an english muffin, topped with a slice of american cheese. I think I just threw up a little.

Shea - Whoa! What? Squirrels get black eyes? And 7 broken bones? I assume then you actually got them x-rayed?

Slamdunk said...

Wow, the squirrels around here run the neighborhood as well--that is until the dogs go out for a potty break.

Kate said...

Omg they are sooo cute! You better warn your mom - squirrels in captivity can live for 20 years haha! We have one that lives in our yard (at least we think it's the same one whenever we see him) and named him Rowdy. The first year he was a little asshole and ate all my plants, but now we live in harmonious balance - basically, I feed him stuff. I'm jealous of your mom now :(

dogimo said...

I haven't grinned that much over a story since I was a little fella yay high getting read Richard Scarry books by my older sister.

Elliott said...

I forgot to comment on this, because I was laughing so hard and had to get Lori to read it as well. Now here I am, days later, back to comment.

We have a friend who adopted a baby squirrel, and nursed him along. Same friend who rescues spiders.

Frank, I know people in Strongsville, one of my former clients is there. Glad I didn't move to that side of town. Squirrel melts might just have become necessary.

And those rodents are HUGE up here compared to Florida.

Mala said...

Slamdunk - Welcome! Can I borrow your dogs?

Kate - 2o YEARS! *slaps forhead* My Mom has promised to free them this week but keeps putting it off due to (fill in the blank: it's raining, it may rain later, they're too sleepy, they're too hungry, not until after dinner, not until it's dark, not until it's light....)

Dogimo - Glad you're grinnin'. keep it up.

Elliott - Rescues spiders?!? Egads! NO THANKS. (psssst... have your friend mail them to Bev, she'd LOVE that!)