Sunday, May 17, 2009

Epic Fail Tooth Fairy!

Morgan lost another chomper on Friday (I think she's yankin' the damn things out for the cash! Shesh!). So she wrote a lovely note to the tooth-monger and was down right giddy when she went to bed.

Flash forward to Saturday morning:

Morgan: (in the most sad and pathetic voice):Mommy, the Tooth Fairy didn't come last night
Me: (all groggy and asleep): huh?
Morgan: The tooth fairy didn't come, my tooth is still here and there's no money.
Me: (managing only to open one eye and seeing Morgan 2 inches from my face, tooth in hand) shit.

Yeah, I know, I suck. I have no idea how I forgot! Oh wait, yes i do. I was exhausted... and there may have been some wine involved (shut up! Don't judge!)

So while she was busy, I typed up an official looking notice that said something like:

The tooth fairies are attending their annual Spring Gala Friday, May 15, 2009 and therefore will not be making any tooth pickups.
Normal fairy duties will resume Saturday, May 16, 2009. We apologize for any inconvenience this may cause.
The Fairy Boss

She seemed to buy that excuse. Disaster averted!

Fast forward to Sunday morning...

Morgan: Mommy, the tooth fairy didn't come again last night....
Me: fawkdamshyt!

I have no excuse (not even vino). I. just. suck.
She left the room and went down stairs to watch TV and I penned a note to her about lots of kids losing teeth this weekend...big time at the gala.... running late... under paid/over worked... blah, blah, blah. I Went into her room, snatched the ol' bicuspid and left her $2 and the pathetic, sorry-ass loser of a note.

OMG, I'm the world's worst Mom.


Jamie said...

Hey- I am just relieved I am not the only one who can manage to forget two nights in a row!

Maria said...

I thought I was bad for forgetting one time. I managed to sneak in afterward and cram money way back under the pillow and then go back out and say, "Are you sure you looked hard enough???" Twice, huh? Gosh, you make me feel good and normal!! LOL

Bev said...

HAHAHA! You rule. If my kid ever loses any teeth (WTF?!) I have no doubt that we'll forget to be the fairy, too. I suck at that kind of stuff.

Hilary Marquis said...

I think you are the world's most CREATIVE mom! Nice save :)

Nancy said...

You are an AWESOME mom! Your kids are blessed to have you :-) I wish you were my mom! Want to adopt a 50+ year old with a toothless cat?

Lori said...

Yes, great save indeed. However, in defense of the anquish over not being visited by the tooth fairy TWO nights in a row, I'm thinkin' Morgan should have easily pulled a Fiver out of the whole deal. Just sayin. :)

security word: in it DRIVES me nuts when people (especially TEACHERS) mispronounce specific as 'pecific'

Samsmama said...

I love that you typed up a formal letter. That is just brilliant. My mom had a neighbor write me a letter from Santa when I was about 8 nicely explaining there was no way in hell I'd ever get a puppy.

Mala said...

Jamie - oh thank goodness someone else has done the 2-nighter epic fail!!!

Maria - I'll remember that trick for next time (ugh, lets hope there's no next time).

Bev - you rock too, sista! Has no one told Dan-Man that he gets paid for losing those things? That should get things rolling.

Hilary - Thanks for the compliment. I still envy your hair-stylin' skillz. So doesn't Morgan. If she had a more coiffure-ly talented Mommy she wouldn't have to head off to school every morning looking like she slept under a bridge the night before.

Nancy, I'll get the paperwork stated... but the toothless cat may be a deal breaker.

Lori- FIVE DOLLARS!!!! Shhhhhh!!!! I hope Morgan didn't hear that!

Samsmama - That's so funny!!! Was that Santa's exact wording?

jessica o said...

LMAO @ Samsmama.

Mala, it's the first of many. I assure you. Once those floodgates opened over here, all bets were off.

The tooth fairy only makes rounds on bulk trash pick-up day. The third Thursday of the month. If you lose your tooth before then, tough shit.

Seriously, we forget all the time, and I always feel like a giant piece of shit afterward. Thanks for making me feel better. :)

Mary said...

hee hee- I have four kids and was a single mom during those 'tooth losin' years' so with only me and little sleep the tooth fairy often didn't quite make it the first night. Sometimes, I'd sneak back and put in on the floor like it feel off the bed etc...buttttttt, once, my oldest lost a tooth and I was almost asleep when i remembered. For some reason I decided early on that the tooth fairy would give one of each: one dollar, one quarter, one dime and one nickel. So i ran downstairs in the dark adn scrounged up some money. Next morning Kate says, Mom. Are you the tooth fairy? I was like NO! why? She said, "b/c I got a dollar, nickel, dime and chuckie cheese token.

Cary said...

I wonder if she bought that bullshit. Whatever, she got the $2, right?

You should put the tooth in an envelope and put it back under her pillow tonight with a note that says, "I'm sorry, but this tooth is much too dirty. You need to work on your brushing. I'll have to take back the two dollars, sorry. Put them in this envelope and leave it under your pillow tonight. Thanks."

A lost tooth is an opportunity to teach a child something.

jessica o said...

Cary is the Jack Handy of Mala's blog.

Jackie said...

Note to self: Refer to Mala's blog as to handling tooth fairy misphaps :)

Mala said...

Jessica - You're a genius!!!! I wish I had thought of that whole 3rd Thursday of the month thing since Morgan's been losing them like they're goin' out of style!

Mary - L.M.F.A.O!!!!!! That is so funny! Think she'd catch on if I left a check?

Cary, Cary, Cary..... Ever considered writing a parenting book... or maybe you're own TV show "Nanny Cary 911"?

Yes Jackie, but beware the commentors!

Anonymous said...

I think you're an awesome mom. Part of doing a good job is being able to pick up the pieces as well as you have done here... I'm not sure I would have thought of leaving a "please excuse the tooth fairy" note... :) Think of it this way- You're giving her a lesson in being flexible and understanding as well as "nobody is perfect," not even the tooth fairy!


Marnie and Jeremy said...

I've also done the 2 night in a row screw up. I guess I'm just lucky that we only have one set of adult teeth since my 21 year old still lives at home!

Anonymous said...

Ha ha--- I got called out:) I can't help it, I'm addicted to your's great to get a laugh in here and there in between adoption drama.

Who is Art Alexakis by the way?

Jeny (KTA--aka. Portland, OR)

Bev said...

Yeah, what Lisa said. But really? What Cary said.


Mala said...

Lisa - Awwww, thanks.

Marnie - I'm so glad others are coming forth and admitting that they too have forgotten 2 nights in a row! I thought for sure child protection would be hunting me down!

Jeny - Yay! So glad you've joined us. Stop in anytime. kick off the shoes, lay on the couch, go through the frig... make yourself comfy!
Oh and Art Alexakis is the lead singer of Everclear... FROM PORTLAND! Shesh! He'll be my next husband if Ralph Fiennes ever escapes out my basement.

Bev - *sigh, shakes head* Cary's all nice with the advice on your blog (i.e. oh, don't speed, you'll get hurt, oh my, be careful..blah blah blah) then he comes over here and encourages me to permenantly traumatize my kids.... and he thinks I'm batshit crazy and pee my pants. seriously.... ; )