Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Jon and Kate plus...... Cha-ching!

Allow me to first say that I had a really difficult time deciding whether or not I should post this. I mean, truth be told I've never watched the show (until last night - damn it!), nor cared to. Moreover, I'm afraid y'all won't love me in the morning just on principle that I actually pissed away bandwidth for this crap.

So, at the risk of losing your love (heck, it's too late for respect... and I'm OK with that), here's my take on the whole Jon and Kate brilliant marketing drama.

Without ever watching the show, I get that it's a reality show that follows a couple and their insanely large litter family of kids. That could be interesting for like 20 minutes, tops. But really I think it would probably just stress me out and make me glad my child-birthing days are over.
But somehow this series has survived several seasons. How? I don't know. But seriously, how much longer could it continue? Unless......

Ah yes, America loves them some dirty laundry! The paparazzi are only too eager to chomp all over this story. Send Jon out in the company of a slut young female who doesn't sport a reverse mullet and let the stories fly! Maybe I'm just bitter and jaded, but suddenly this show feels as real as "The Hills". But surely, the show's execs know exactly what they're doing.

* If Jon had really in fact cheated, You know Kate would be going all ghetto "That SOB! I'm gonna (BLEEP) kill you! You no good (BLEEP)ing (BLEEP) (BLEEP)! I'm gonna (BEEP) your (BLEEP) with a (BLEEP)!!" but instead she's all, "yes. I'm hurt." What?! That's not reality! We all know this is the kind of beat down she serves when her kid simply asks why Mommy's head looks like an ass...

* And do they ever say he's banging having relations with that girl? No. They use terms like "bad choices" and "misjudgement". C'mon, I'm not buying it! Bad choices is that hair cut.

* And unless I slipped into unconsciousness missed it, do they admit to actually filing DIVORCE papers or do they always refer to it as "filing legal documents"? Heck, maybe they're just filing for an extension on their taxes.

* Without this mega-boost in ratings, and let's face it - me and about a million other people would have NEVER watched the show had it not been for the fact that I couldn't reach the remote for the hyped-up drama, how would Kate continue to get lypo and boob jobs? Huh? Huh?

* Can you say Reunion Special? The way I figure it, they'll milk this separation thing for at least a season, then drop the whole 'will they? won't they?' for the next season which will end in a two-hour season finale where they realize they can't live without each other. *GAG* Then they'll parlay it into some big Jon and Kate Renew Their Vows *Gag Gag* special.

So that's my take on the whole issue that really has no relevance in any of our lives.

Course, I could be wrong.

(note: I still love you even if you admit to loving this show! Hi Lori!)


Michelle said...

I also don't watch that drivel...but am loving the train wreck. I think it is real...they really can't stand each other. My favorite part is that the kids are staying in the house that is totally a sound stage and the parents get to leave it when it is not their week and have a life. The kids are freaking trapped in freaksville reality house. I think the parents are Pieces of shit for continuing to exploit their kids even though they have seen what a mess it has made of their own personal lives. Not that I have an opinion!!

Anonymous said...

I usually watch the show... and I have to admit this crap is making me sick as hell! I cannot believe that the news is covering this as much as they are... I think that Kate is crazy and like you I do not believe that she was as calm as she was about the whole possibly cheating thing.. I also think that she is a crazy &*&%& and I think she has controlled him for way to long. I do feel sorry for the kids because they are caught in between all of this and she has such huge expectations for them as well.

Well put though.. thanks for sharing your thoughts.

Samsmama said...

I'm going to go make a drink and then come back, reread, and comment. I apologize in advance.

Samsmama said...

Alright, for starters, I'm ashamed to admit I've probably seen every episode of this show. And I'll let you in on a secret: want me to watch your shitty show? Run it in marathon form on a Saturday when I'm home alone (hungover) and there's nothing else on.

That being said, I called "divorce" the first time I ever watched it. She's HORRIBLE to him. You take a woman with 8 kids and her husband is caught out with another woman. And the whole country says, "Way to go, Jon!" Not a good sign.

She filed papers yesterday, hours before the show aired. She's quoted in the AP as saying his actions "over the weekend" forced her to do so. She also admits they've been living apart for two years.

The only reason she and her roadkill of a hairdo remained calm is because she's an expert at this shit by now. She's in it for the money, and has done very well with it. However, I was tickled pink to learn that their ratings plummeted with all the recent bullshit.

If they get back together I will come to your house and kiss your ass. He's done and out. And I wish him well.

Regardless, I was really hoping that the "big announcement" was going to be that they were done taping forever. The marriage is shot, but let's give the kids a chance at being well adjusted. But, as Kate said, "the show must go on." No, it really musn't.

Hmmm...I thought about blogging about this. Instead, it seems I've just decided to do it here. My apologies. I'm out of wine (WTF?) and had to break into my husband's vodka. Not good.

Samsmama said...

Whoops! Forgot to click on follow up comments! I'm outta here...

Mala said...

Michelle - you know, you can always come here and tell us what you think. I mean it. Don't hold back. Really.
I was wondering how that whole living situation would work. Do they share an apartment too. And seriously, it's annoying sharing a house with someone you live with, but someone you've divorced! And, I'm putting way too much thought into this.
Oesch Chronicles - Hello! Nice to see you. I totally agree, those poor kids stuck in that Fun House (and by that, I don't mean that like a house that is fun, but more like those crazy-ass, freakish things you go through (and can't wait to get the hell out of) at the carnival).
Samsmama - no drink for me? OK apology accepted. Just don't let it happen again. K?
And now you have NO IDEA how much I want them to get back together!!! SQEEEEEE!!!
And, I'm so sorry you're out of wine (gasp!). That almost happen to me once.

janiece said...

I think the whole thing is shitty. First of all--in defense of all nurses out there (including me), we're not like Kate (a former nurse), but we're experts at hiding our emotions--otherwsie we'd all be basketcases--and who would take care of us?
The whole thing is BS. Mala--you expressed it perfectly. I would fricking KILL Ted, but they wouldn't find the body--and the language you used is mild compared to what I would "express".
Yes, I think they are getting divorced--and yes I think alot of this is publicity. Those poor kids. They will never have a clue of normal life. Hey guys--save some of that $ you are making--the kids will need it for their psych bills?
And I've only seen the show enough to know what it is--this nurse works the PM shift! And there is more then enough drama there. Now where is my drink???

Cheasty said...

mala, my vote's with you. i've never been able to watch reality TV cause I get all sick feeling when people say mean things to each other, but just from what i've heard it seems really effed up. i feel sorry for those kids.

jessica o said...

I think it's real and I bet Jon gets a court order forcing them to stop production. Which he should.

Nancy said...

I really can't stand reality TV- it just amazes me the crap that is on TV. Who really cares about these people???

I am so sick of hearing about jon and kate on regular news programs, every magazine, every radio show. ENOUGH ALREADY!

Most people dont know what's going on in the world - about the horrors in Darfur, the elections in Iran, the Israeli/Palenstinian conflict. But boy, everyone's heard of Kate and Jon. Who gives a flying "F" about these people!!!

Can you tell you hit a nerve with me on this one?????

Bev said...

While I admit to never having seen a SINGLE episode of this show, that won't stop me from having an opinion! Why should it, right? This is AMERICA! WOOHOO!

Anywho, all I've ever learned about this show I've gotten from The Soup, where they've been predicting "Jon Minus Nine" for over a year now. She is a horrible, horrible, controlling shrew (with a ridiculous haircut) who rides his ass constantly, and NOT in a good way. Wait, is there a good way? Hmmm.

He comes across as a completely beaten-down pansy in all the clips I've seen. Also, I've read a lot of gossip about his little "stepping out" episode with the "friend" of his who is half his age, and apparently they were busted getting it on in a club somewhere that same night the infamous car photo was captured. So, he's definitely hittin' that.

That being said, I dutifully ignore everything J&K+8 in the media and will continue to do so until this all goes away. But, I still love my Malomatic, and I have to comment to maintain my 50 pt lead over everyone else on your Top Commenter widget, so here I am, spouting off!

That is all. And I can't even blame booze because it's 9 in the morning and I never start drinking till at least 10. ;-)

Bev said...

Oh, one more thing. "Won't someone PLEASE think of the children?!"

Now I'm done.

Harmony said...

My husband said the exact samething once photos were leaked of Jon and his friend.

Like Bev I have seen most of my Jon and Kate from the Soup (although my husband is now watching it religiously..wtf?. I agree Kate is awful to Jon. I would not in a million years want to be married to someone like her. But my guess is, is that she has always had this type of personality and he had seen glimpses of it before their marriage. Should he have to live a miserable life because he was stupid enough to marry her in the first place? No But he did help bring in 8 kids into the world and I cannot see how their splitting up is ultimately of greater good for their children.

Not in total defense of Kate (or her actions towards Jon) but I would be a freaking basket case had I 8 kids...I mean completely nuts. Would that then allow me the right to belittle my husband and be hateful towards him in front of millions of viewers? No..but I would still be crazy.

Samsmama said...

So remember when I came back to click on follow up comments? I forgot to do that. Good times.

I consider myself a bit of an authority (spoken in Cartman voice) on the matter. They made it sound like Jon would get an apt and she'd remain in the mansion during the week. They'd flip flop on the weekends. That won't be at all awkward. So Jon only gets his kids 2 days a week. Good news is, he now gets custody of his balls 5 days a week.

I couldn't agree with Jessica more.

And Bev's Simpsonesque plea killed me!

Lori said...

Dear Lord, you made me laugh and laugh...and you made John laugh and laugh...and then I laughed some more. Yes, I've watched that show since inception and I hate all the drama that's going on, but you are very right in that it is one heckuva brilliant marketing scheme and that's what I hate the most.

And, for Pete's sake...way to out me! :)

My sides still hurt from laughing.

Mala said...

WHAT!!??? I just spent 20 minutes commenting to each and every one of you! BLOGGER YOU BITCH!!! What happened?! UGH!!!

Mala said...

All that work and wit! OK, y'all just need to take my word that my comments back to you were both entertaining and vulger, errr I mean- thought provoking.

Shea said...

I haven't really watched JK8 at all except when flipping channels and, seriously, I get mesmerized by K's hair... what is that style?


I think she's bat-shit crazy. Srsly. Like out there.

And I think he's a doormat which would drive me mental.

And I think it's bordering on sick (and mental) that they would be "estranged" for 2 years yet keep filming like all was happy happy. I think Kate really has enjoyed the perks of her brood (tummy tuck, Aspen vacations, etc) and ain't givin' it up no matter what.

And I agree... this was incredible marketing on their part... great way to keep it fresh (dripping sarcasm) but what are they going to call the show now? And will she get free therapy? Will the kids? 'Cause they're going to need it.

-sorry if I'm incoherent... too much coffee... no food... brings out my cattier nature.

Bev said...

Mala, sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but you need a new computer. It's not Blogger, it's you. Though Blogger is a cruel mistress, that much is true.


Cary said...

I would just like to say that I think banging is such a vulgar word for such a beautiful act. Couldn't you say riding the meatpoleinstead?

Thank you.

Word verf: criendoc

"You using a finger or your whole fist back there? Jesus H. Christ, I'm criendoc."

onebadmamajama said...

I've never watched the show. She seems like an incredible bitch and he seems to be the biggest pussy on the planet. They need a divorce. I did catch a little bit of some kind of special about them on some celebrity satellite channel. I have to say things must be much worse than anyone has imagined if a SIL and BIL have gone public with a plea for it to stop.

Parents exploiting their children for financial gain are the lowest of the low. Those kids need therapy and lots of it, NOW.