In less than a nanosecond my head will spin, my eyes become death rays, and I vomit green acidic substance while I claw your face off.
In other words, don't say that shit to me.
Dear ol' hubster took many a long years to figure this easy fact out.
I used to have a somewhat craptastic cubicle job selling equipment to TV stations before I gave birth to our daughter and we decided I would stay home and raise our child... oh and start and operate a horse farm, care for my niece daily, do the bookkeeping for my Father's trucking business, adopt our son, teach riding lessons, run a summer day camp and work out of the house as a wine consultant.
Ahhh the sweet life of a stay-at-home Mom; sitting on the couch all day, eating BonBons. So my husband thought. Almost daily he'd come home and his first words would be "what did you do all day?". I could have killed him... and I'm fairly certain no court of law would fault me for it.
Maybe it was that last cast iron fry pan I lobbed at his head, but he doesn't (dare) say that anymore.
No, now he's a bit more passive aggressive in his tactics.
Case in point: Today, amongst other things, I mowed, raked, weed-wacked and trimmed our lawn. No biggie, right? Well, right... but it's A LOT of lawn. Allow me to show you...
and....
don't forget around the barn....
and back by the garden...
And out front by the flower beds...
and up the driveway...
and that whole new area we just seeded by the boarder's parking lot...
You get the picture... lots of mowing, lots of wacking.
But I actually enjoy it because I think it looks really good after I'm done (you know, that sense of accomplishment... not like when I make dinner and everyone bitches and moans). Besides, if I don't do a great job, I'll have another chance in just SIX days when it all grows in again and looks all shaggy like we just up and abandoned the property.
Anyhoo, back to my point (you didn't think I had one, did ya! HA!), instead of coming home and ohhh'ing and ahhh'ing at my mad landscaping skillz, the hubs huffs and puffs, gets on his 'non-office, work clothes' and heads out to......
wait for it......
wait for it......
WEED WACK IN THE FREAKIN' DARK!!!!!!
I swear, for the sole purpose of being able to say, with truly exacerbated angst, he "finished the lawn"! What the..?!!!!
and this folks is why I drink!
15 comments:
Typical man.
All that lawn is just ridiculous. And so is your husband. Drink up.
BTW, that truck looks like it's embedded into your house.
no joke- yesterday, I moved, by myself, 5 yards of mulch from our driveway to the backyard, dumped it and spread it- with 2 small piles left to spread my husband walked back and said, 'here, let me help you.' what?
In all fairness, he had been working his ass of somewhere else most of the day, but still- after all that? Please.
Also, he is a great cook, yet never cooks unless we have company, in which case I look like a lazy fool.
excuse me while I go murder him.
Men--yep. They are the same all over. This is also why I drink--besides that driving me crazy, running my ass off job that I have.
By the way--wayyy too much lawn. There's something to be said for "naturalizing" areas. Besides, then you could eat and actually enjoy a few of those bonbons :)
OHHH--the word today is aiming--are you aiming at my head??? make sure its something I can wash off easily!!!
I believe I would have most certainly weed-wacked his head right off his shoulders. Men!!
Deb - so true, isn't it.
Samsmama - I should have added that I've always been the one in charge of mowing and right up to 4 days before I gave birth (yes FOUR DAYS!) I did the entire lawn with a PUSH MOWER!!! I got 1 week off from mowing after Morgan was born and Joe had to mow.. we had a riding lawn tractor the next week! SONOFA!
Oh, and that's my truck. I grabbed my drink so it wouldn't spill when I stopped and I forgot to hit the brakes. details.
Mary - Doncha just love that! They swoop in at the last minute and 'save the day'.
Oh and can't you just lie to him and say guests are coming every night?
Janiece - I've contemplated tying the horses on the lawn like goats. Classy, eh?
Maria - I hear ya sista! I'm still trying to figure out exactly what he was wacking...????
The lawn looks great! When are you coming over to do mine? Or, better yet, send Joe.
Heh.
I don't mow lawns. Not mine or MINE.
Too much? Oops!
James and I flip-flop the SAH thing. (SAH = Stay at Home) We know how they day goes at home, and still, the "working" person forgets and glares at my laptop.
As Dilbert would say....Must Control Fist of Death......
I love the look and smell of a freshly-mown lawn.
You go, Mr. Mala's Husband!
Excuse me, I gotta run....
So what's the problem? He wanted to help.
Seriously...just use the allergies argument and then it's all them anyway...even if I didn't legitimately have allergies, I'd have to feign them because my boy would never stand for anything less than HIS perfection...as I type, I'm getting in trouble because apparently, I left the freezer open all weekend long (oh, or maybe something popped the door open, it was a TOTAL accident, and I certainly couldn't have caused that damage if I tried!) and broke the cubed ice maker. The drama of it all...
I'm thinking he had to trim up a little cause if your husband is anything like my boyfriend, it's not done right until he does it himself.
Bev - I know a nice spa that can help ya out. I mean, we're friends and all, but there's boundries.
Jessica - no, not too much. It's not like you asked me (or my husband) to do it for you....
Frank - ummmm, that's nice. Perhaps you could help Bev out?
Cary - sigh. *rolls eyes*
Lori - Take it easy on the appliances, will ya!
Courtney- Absa-friggin-lutely!!! So I propose he do it his damn self next time!
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