Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Heavy Talk For 8am

Yesterday when I picked Beck up at pre-school his teacher mentioned to me that one of the students had mentioned the ol' "I came out of my Mommy's belly" announcement and Beck quickly piped up to agree that he had too. His teacher nicely mentioned that Beck had, but that he had TWO Mommys.
Obviously we've never planned on keeping Beck's adoption a secret even though people ask me if we're 'gonna tell him'... Ummm, hello? I think at some point he'd start wondering...
Often Beck will see a picture of our family PB (Pre Beck) and he'll ask where he was and we always explain that he hadn't come home to join our family yet. We've always made it a point that his adoption just be another thread in the fiber of our life; no secrets, no big reveal, just another fact in our every day life.
Well on the way to school this morning Beck and I were talking and I called him 'my Baby' as I always call him (and Morgan for that fact) and he asked me, "Why you call me baby?"
"Because you're my baby." I replied.
"I come out your belly?" He questioned.
"No. You came out your first Mommy's belly and then you came to be with us and I'm your Mommy too."
"What's her name?" he asked
First I'm a bit stunned. He's one bright 4 year old. I tell him her name and he repeats it with a confused look on his face.
"Did Morgan come out another woman's belly?" He continues.
Are you sure you're four???? "No, Morgan came out of my belly."
He's once again puzzled. I went on to tell him that even though they became members of our family in different ways, they are both my babies.
And with that, he ended his line of questioning but I could see that the little wheels inside his head continued to turn.
After our little chat I went home and realized I needed to get going on my quest to find his Birth Mother. I made contact with an investigator (is that the right term?) months ago but it's been put on the back burner since. But I know now more than ever that finding her is the right thing to do. If he wants to know about her at four years old, there will only be more and more questions as he grows. I mentioned it months ago to some people and they responded with a gasp and asked why on Earth I would want to do that. The answer is simply; She will always be important to Beck and I owe it to him to find her. Or at least try.
So I need to compose a letter to her and a list of questions. Where on Earth do I begin?


Bev said...

I think you handled that well. Good luck finding the birth mom. I'm sure he'll be happy that you made the effort when he is older and asking those tough questions even more.

Maria said...

Where to begin? Imagine if you were adopted and think of the questions you would have. Simple things include what they look like (photos are great if he can get one), why she gave him up (this was a big one for me and I'd rather have known she was selfish and wanted her own life than to know nothing), anything about his birthfather that she can tell him, her hobbies, her talents, just anything that will "link" him to her. The questions will come less frequently if you have the answers to the questions he asks, I think. Good luck!!

Michelle said...

How ironic that you posted this today...on the way home from school today, my daughter asked me how adopted babies were made....which led to a discussion about Zeb coming from his first mommy's tummy. Which prompted her to say "Zeb did you know you had a mommy in Kyrgyzstan?"

Mala said...

Thank you ladies. A million things are running through my head. I wonder if there's a limit on how many questions I can ask...