Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Extreme MakeOver: The Mala Edition

I don't go to the hair salon very often. I have long hair and I can go months and months without a cut and no one would notice. I consider myself pretty thrifty so it gives me the warm and fuzzies when I think about all the money I haven't spent on my hair. To push frugality even further, I also color my own hair. That's right, I go to the grocery store, check out which hair color is on sale and then pick the box with the prettiest girl. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.
Today, it didn't.
Seriously, I would like to meet the jerk that labels the boxes of hair color. To be honest, they need to just put a big question mark on the box and label the color "EffIfYouKnow"! Today I chose "Warm Medium Brown"... what I got was "Gene Simmons Black"! Actually, I think I see hues of midnight blue! THIS IS NOT BROWN! It's Black! This isn't medium brown, this isn't even DARK brown! It's BLACK, people!! BLACK! DAMNIT!
The only silver lining is I messed up and accidentally bought non-permanent rather than permanent so I'm only cursed with my Gene Simmon's 'do for 28 washes. So far I have 24 more to go!

So now this whole hair wreck has got me thinking that maybe it's time to go back to the hair salon. She's accustomed to seeing me only after I've done something rather horrible to my hair. So if I'm going, maybe I should really make it worth my time and (gasp) change my hair style. I mean, I've only been rockin' this general 'do for, oh I don't know, my entire life. At least it seems.
So, while I should have been doing laundry or some other item on my growing 'to do' list, I went online a tried out some new hairstyles.

Halle Berry-licious

Crazy Streaky Red 'Do

The Ashley Simpson

What do you think? I'm open to suggestions. My only deal breakers would be anything found in FrumpTown, USA or anything close to Soccer Mom (ACK! GASP).


Bev said...

Oh my goodness! What a funny ass post this is! Love the pics. Hmmm, let's see. Ix-nay on the blonde; it doesn't go with your complexion, imo. I actually like Halle Berry-licious and (gasp!) Asslee Simpson's looks the best. though it would be fun to see you do something 'out there' and go for the red streaks. :)

Whatever - you'll look gorgeous no matter what!


Mala said...

awwww, shucks, thanks Bev. I always go through these stages once or twice a year where I feel I need to do something drastic. I don't, of course, most of the time, and when I have it usually ended in some regretful disaster (can you say old lady silver?). When will I learn? Not yet, obviously. Heck. it's only hair. It'll grow back. Eventually.
Yeah, I kinda wish the Jessica Simpson blonde would work for me but A) let's face it, it's high maintenance - soooo not me. and B) the blonde really brings out the unflattering red tones in my skin. Blah.

Jackie said...

I like the Ashley Simpson color, and the crazy red streak cut!!!

Mala said...

Thanks Jackie. I was trying ti figure out what color that was. She's got a little bit of everything going on.
I went short years ago and although I CLEARLY stated "NO SOCCER MOM CUTS" my hairdresser (who no longer is) gave me the ultimate Soccer Mom 'Do. ACK! To make matters worse as it grew out I totally looked like the boy from 3rd Rock From the Sun (that was the name of that show, right?), Anyhoo, it wasn't pretty. But I'd totally be down for a cute cut like that one (sans crazy red streaks.... or not).

Bev said...

Btw, I forgot to mention this earlier, but somehow the 2 glasses of wine I just had have jarred this tidbit loose from the recesses of my brain.... What is up with that ridiculous severed head floating around behind you? Tell the truth, malomatic, do you have some sort of extra appendage you have failed to disclose until now?

Maria said...

I am currently ROFLMAO because I got the SAME warm brown that you got and it was most certainly BLACK. I cried for a long time. I was beyond freaked out. I will tell you I then tried some highlights (red?? I think) that didn't show up very much but certainly toned down the black some. HaHa!! Sorry, I'm just remembering my reaction!!

Mala said...

It's my severed, floating Bev head. I take it with me everywhere.

Maria, I think you and I should push for legislation against this senseless act of hair color bait and switch! I think the penalty for this type of crime should be a fire squad of crying, raven-haired victims!